Difference between Saul and David. We talked about grief. But there's also responsibility. The difference in how Saul dealt with his infractions and David dealt with his crimes. Denial as opposed to Acknowledgement and accountability.
Yehuda Amichai
The Precision of Pain and the Blurriness of Joy: The Touch of Longing is Everywhere
דִיוק הכאב וטשטוש האשר
מגע געגועים בכל
When tears yearn not for laughter,
nor for the eyes that wept them, nor for the cheeks they wet,
But for the sea, for the salt in the sea – these are the true longings.
Deep down, deep down inside, the eye would be destined not to see but to weep. For at the very moment they veil sight, tears would unveil what is proper to the eye.
—Jacques Derrida, Memoirs of the Blind (126)
(ל) וַיַּ֩עַל֩ ל֨וֹט מִצּ֜וֹעַר וַיֵּ֣שֶׁב בָּהָ֗ר וּשְׁתֵּ֤י בְנֹתָיו֙ עִמּ֔וֹ כִּ֥י יָרֵ֖א לָשֶׁ֣בֶת בְּצ֑וֹעַר וַיֵּ֙שֶׁב֙ בַּמְּעָרָ֔ה ה֖וּא וּשְׁתֵּ֥י בְנֹתָֽיו׃ (לא) וַתֹּ֧אמֶר הַבְּכִירָ֛ה אֶל־הַצְּעִירָ֖ה אָבִ֣ינוּ זָקֵ֑ן וְאִ֨ישׁ אֵ֤ין בָּאָ֙רֶץ֙ לָב֣וֹא עָלֵ֔ינוּ כְּדֶ֖רֶךְ כׇּל־הָאָֽרֶץ׃ (לב) לְכָ֨ה נַשְׁקֶ֧ה אֶת־אָבִ֛ינוּ יַ֖יִן וְנִשְׁכְּבָ֣ה עִמּ֑וֹ וּנְחַיֶּ֥ה מֵאָבִ֖ינוּ זָֽרַע׃ (לג) וַתַּשְׁקֶ֧יןָ אֶת־אֲבִיהֶ֛ן יַ֖יִן בַּלַּ֣יְלָה ה֑וּא וַתָּבֹ֤א הַבְּכִירָה֙ וַתִּשְׁכַּ֣ב אֶת־אָבִ֔יהָ וְלֹֽא־יָדַ֥ע בְּשִׁכְבָ֖הּ וּבְקוּׄמָֽהּ׃ (לד) וַֽיְהִי֙ מִֽמׇּחֳרָ֔ת וַתֹּ֤אמֶר הַבְּכִירָה֙ אֶל־הַצְּעִירָ֔ה הֵן־שָׁכַ֥בְתִּי אֶ֖מֶשׁ אֶת־אָבִ֑י נַשְׁקֶ֨נּוּ יַ֜יִן גַּם־הַלַּ֗יְלָה וּבֹ֙אִי֙ שִׁכְבִ֣י עִמּ֔וֹ וּנְחַיֶּ֥ה מֵאָבִ֖ינוּ זָֽרַע׃ (לה) וַתַּשְׁקֶ֜יןָ גַּ֣ם בַּלַּ֧יְלָה הַה֛וּא אֶת־אֲבִיהֶ֖ן יָ֑יִן וַתָּ֤קׇם הַצְּעִירָה֙ וַתִּשְׁכַּ֣ב עִמּ֔וֹ וְלֹֽא־יָדַ֥ע בְּשִׁכְבָ֖הּ וּבְקֻמָֽהּ׃ (לו) וַֽתַּהֲרֶ֛יןָ שְׁתֵּ֥י בְנֽוֹת־ל֖וֹט מֵאֲבִיהֶֽן׃ (לז) וַתֵּ֤לֶד הַבְּכִירָה֙ בֵּ֔ן וַתִּקְרָ֥א שְׁמ֖וֹ מוֹאָ֑ב ה֥וּא אֲבִֽי־מוֹאָ֖ב עַד־הַיּֽוֹם׃
(30) Lot went up from Zoar and settled in the hill country with his two daughters, for he was afraid to dwell in Zoar; and he and his two daughters lived in a cave. (31) And the older one said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to consort with us in the way of all the world. (32) Come, let us make our father drink wine, and let us lie with him, that we may maintain life through our father.” (33) That night they made their father drink wine, and the older one went in and lay with her father; he did not know when she lay down or when she rose. (34) The next day the older one said to the younger, “See, I lay with Father last night; let us make him drink wine tonight also, and you go and lie with him, that we may maintain life through our father.” (35) That night also they made their father drink wine, and the younger one went and lay with him; he did not know when she lay down or when she rose. (36) Thus the two daughters of Lot became pregnant by their father. (37) The older one bore a son and named him Moab; he is the father of the Moabites of today.
עירית אשתו של לוט נכמרו רחמה על בנותיה הנשואות והביטה לאחריה לראות אם הולכות אחריה אם לא (וראת אחרי) [וראתה אחריה] השכינה ונעשית נציב מלח, שנאמר ותבט אשתו מאחריו ותהי נציב מלח:
The pity of 'Edith the wife of Lot was stirred for her daughters, who were married in Sodom, and she looked back behind her to see if they were coming after her or not. And she saw behind the Shekhinah, and she became a pillar of salt, as it is said, "And his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt" (Gen. 19:26).
Irit looked back to see if her two firstborn daughters were following, and she saw that they weren’t and what had become of them.
In such a moment of grief one knows only one desire: to follow after one’s child, to experience what she’s experienced, to be one with her in every aspect of suffering. Only to be one with her.
And it was for this desire that Irit was turned into a pillar of salt. She was turned into salt either because God couldn’t forgive her this desire . . . or because he could.
(Excerpted and reprinted with permission from the essay “Looking Back at Lot’s Wife,” in: Reading Genesis Beginnings, Beth Kissileff, editor, Bloomsbury, 2016, p. 113).
Further Resources:
Harold Fisch, Ruth and the Structure of Covenant History, Vetus Testamentum
Vol. 32, Fasc. 4 (Oct., 1982), pp. 425-437 (13 pages)
Published By: Brill