“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”
~Brad Meltzer
Can you explain in your own words how Sarai might have felt knowing what Hagar was saying about her?
Do you think Avram's response to Sarai would have been different had he known what Hagar was making Sarai feel?
Who is to blame here according to Ramban and why?
What are the consequences for Avram and Sarai's actions (or inactions) according to Ramban? Who is affected?
( דְּאָמַר רַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל בַּר רַב נַחְמָן עֶשְׂרִים וְשִׁשָּׁה דוֹרוֹת קָדְמָה דֶּרֶךְ אֶרֶץ אֶת הַתּוֹרָה, הֲדָא הוּא דִכְתִיב (בראשית ג, כד): לִשְׁמֹר אֶת דֶּרֶךְ עֵץ הַחַיִּים, דֶּרֶךְ, זוֹ דֶּרֶךְ אֶרֶץ, וְאַחַר כָּךְ עֵץ הַחַיִּים, זוֹ תּוֹרָה.
Rabbi Ishmael son of Rav Nachman said: Derech Eretz precedes Torah by twenty-six generations since it is written: “and to guard the way to the Tree of Life” (Genesis 3). “Way” is the derech eretz, and only after that comes “Tree of Life” which is Torah.
There is a well known teaching - דרך ארץ קדמה לתורה - Derech Eretz precedes the Torah.
Rav Chaim Vital explains that Derech Eretz is a prerequisite for Torah thus the Torah gives it nary a mention. To paraphrase Mishlei: A Torah superimposed upon bad character is like the gold ring in the nose of a swine its dirty and disgusting. Once good character is achieved, receiving the Torah is a separate significant milestone.
How can we focus on Derech Eretz in synagogue leadership and problems that we might face? We have to ask ourselves two questions:
- Why are we doing this?
- Why is this happening now?
The Why this? Why now? question combination nearly always will lead you away from the presenting symptomatic problems to the deeper issues we too often overlook or simply choose to ignore.