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או חברותא או מיתותא!
אזל לביתיה אמר להו בריה דחוני המעגל מי קיים אמרו ליה בריה ליתא בר בריה איתא אמר להו אנא חוני המעגל לא הימנוהו אזל לבית המדרש שמעינהו לרבנן דקאמרי נהירן שמעתתין כבשני חוני המעגל דכי הוי עייל לבית מדרשא כל קושיא דהוו להו לרבנן הוה מפרק להו אמר להו אנא ניהו לא הימנוהו ולא עבדי ליה יקרא כדמבעי ליה חלש דעתיה בעי רחמי ומית אמר רבא היינו דאמרי אינשי או חברותא או מיתותא
Ḥoni went home and said to the members of the household: Is the son of Ḥoni HaMe’aggel alive? They said to him: His son is no longer with us, but his son’s son is alive. He said to them: I am Ḥoni HaMe’aggel. They did not believe him. He went to the study hall, where he heard the Sages say about one scholar: His halakhot are as enlightening and as clear as in the years of Ḥoni HaMe’aggel, for when Ḥoni HaMe’aggel would enter the study hall he would resolve for the Sages any difficulty they had. Ḥoni said to them: I am he, but they did not believe him and did not pay him proper respect. Ḥoni became very upset, prayed for mercy, and died. Rava said: This explains the folk saying that people say: Either friendship or death, as one who has no friends is better off dead.

ולא עבדו ליה יקרא כדבעי כו'. גם שראו בו שהוא בעל תורה ונהירין ליה שמעתתיה כבשני דחוני המעגל מ"מ לא ראו בו שהיה בעל מעשים כחוני ולכך לא עבדי ליה יקרא כדבעי

ואמר וקנה לך חבר זכר אותו בלשון קנייה ולא אמר עשה לך חבר או התחבר לאחרים הכונה בזה שצריך לאדם שיקנה אוהב לעצמו שיתקנו בו מעשיו וכל עניניו כמו שאמרו או חברותא או מיתותא

(1) "Make for yourself a mentor": He means to say even if he is not fit to be your mentor; still place him upon you as a mentor, so that you can give and take (discuss and argue) with him, and as a result of this the study of wisdom will come to your hand. As the study of a man on his own is good, but his study from someone else will be better established in his hand and it will be more clear - and even if he is like him in wisdom or below him. And so did they elucidate the explanation of this commandment. And he said, "acquire for yourself a friend". He said it with an expression of acquisition and he did not say, "Make for yourself a friend," or "Befriend others." The intention of this is that a person must acquire a friend for himself, so that all of his deeds and all of his matters be refined through him, as they said (Taanit 23a), "Either a friend or death." And if he does not find him, he must make efforts for it with all his heart, and even if he must lead him to his friendship, until he becomes a friend. And [then] he must never let off from following [his friend's] will, until his friendship is firmed up. [It is] as the masters of ethics say, "When you love, do not love according to your traits; but rather love according to the trait of your friend." And when each of the friends has the intention to fulfill the will of his friend, the intention of both of them will be one without a doubt. And how good is the statement of Aristotle, "The friend is one." And there are three types of friends: a friend for benefit, a friend for enjoyment and a friend for virtue. Indeed, a friend for benefit is like the friendship of two [business] partners and the friendship of a king and his retinue; whereas the friendship for enjoyment is of two types - the friend for pleasure and the friend for confidence. Indeed, the friend for pleasure is like the friendship of males and females and similar to it; whereas the friend for confidence is when a man has a friend to whom he can confide his soul. He will not keep [anything] from him - not in action and not in speech. And he will make him know all of his affairs - the good ones and the disgraceful - without fearing from him that any loss will come to him with all of this, not from him and not from another. As when a person has such a level of confidence in a man, he finds great enjoyment in his words and in his great friendship. And a friend for virtue is when the desire of both of them and their intention is for one thing, and that is the good. And each one wants to be helped by his friend in reaching this good for both of them together. And this is the friend which he commanded to acquire; and it is like the love of the master for the student and of the student for the master.

(2) "and judge every person as meritorious:" Its subject is when there is a person whom you do not about him if he is righteous or if he is wicked and you see him doing an act or saying something and if you interpret it one way it will be good and if you interpret in another way it will be bad - [in this case,] take it to the good and do not think bad about it. But if the man is known to be famously righteous and of good deeds; and an action of his is seen that all of its aspects indicate that it is a bad deed and a person can only determine it to be good with great stretching and a distant possibility, it is fit that you take it that it is good, since there is some aspect of a possibility that it is good. And it is not permissible for you to suspect him; and about this did they say (Shabbat 97a), "The body of anyone who suspects proper ones will be struck." And so [too] when it is an evildoer and his deeds are famous, and afterwords we see him that he does a deed, all of the indications about which are that it is good but there is an aspect of a distant possibility that it is bad; it is fit to guard oneself from him and not to believe that it is good, since there is a possibility for the bad. And about this is it stated (Proverbs 26:25), (Also) "Though he be fair-spoken do not trust him, etc." But when he is not known and the deed is indeterminate towards one of the two extremes; according to the ways of piety, one must judge a person as meritorious towards whichever extreme of the two extremes [would be the case].

(ג) וקנה לך חבר. לשלשה דברי' אדם צריך אל החבר הטוב. האחד לדברי תורה כמו שאמר הרבה למדתי מרבותי ומחברי יותר מרבותי. והשני למצות שאף כשאין חבירו חסיד ממנו ופעמים שגם הוא עושה אשר לא כדת. כשהוא נהנה בדבר עושה העבירה. אבל אין חפצו ורצונו שחברו יעשנה כי אין לו הנאה בזה וכמו שאמרו (קדושין סג:) ואין אדם חוטא ולא לו. נמצאו שניהם חוזרין בתשובה כל אחד על פי חברו. והשלישי לענין העצה שיקחנו להיות לו מעיר לעזור בכל ענינו ולקחת ממנו עצה טובה ולהיות בן סודו אחר היותו עמו בברית ולא יגלנו לאחרים לבל יפרו מחשבתו

(3) "acquire for yourself a friend": A person needs three things from a good friend. One is for words of Torah, as it stated (Taanit 7a), "I have learned much from my teachers and more from my friends than from my teachers." And the second is for commandments. As even if his friend is not more pious than he and there are times that he does what is not in order. [Yet it is only] when he derives pleasure from something that he does the sin, but it is not his desire and his will that his friend do it - as he derives no enjoyment from this. And it is like they said (Kiddushin 63b), "And a man will not sin if it is not for himself." It comes out that both of them will repent, each one according to the word of his friend. And the third is regarding advice that he can take, that he be 'one who arouses (a counselor) for help' in all of his affairs and to take good counsel from him and to be his confidant. Since he is his ally, he will not reveal [his secrets] to others so as not to confound his plan - and not even to those that appear to him to be friends; for is the appearance of love evident on their faces? And about this Shlomo, peace be upon him, stated (Proverbs 15:22), "Plans are foiled for want of counsel, but they succeed through many advisers." And that which he said, "acquire for yourself a friend" with an expression of [acquisition] (euphemism) is [to say] that if he does not find him for free, he should acquire him with his money and expend his assets in order to get to a good friend; or that he should acquire him with words of appeasement and with a soft way of talking. And [so] he should not be exacting about his words and he should tolerate the words of his mouth; even when he says something against him, he should not return a response. As without this, he will not keep [the friendship], since the opinions [of people] are different. And sometimes he will seek something, [but] his friend who is like himself will say, "See, I do not [consider] this to be fit." And if he doesn't [listen to his friend] (he will certainly pass him up), the [friendship] will unravel. And this is what Shlomo, peace be upon him, stated (Proverbs 17:9), "He who seeks love covers errors, but he who harps on a matter alienates a leader." He meant to say, one who covers when his friend errs, seeks love - as through this, their love is preserved, as he tolerates his errors. But if he harps about the matter with his friend, he speaks against him and repeats it and says, "See what this one said; what he said about me, he 'alienates the leader' - he(certainly) alienates his leader from him, meaning to say, his friend.

(כב) על כן מי שעיניו בראשו, יותר יזהר ויעיין במעשי מי שרוצה לקנותו לו לחבר או ליועץ, או לפקיד על ביתו, ממה שיזהר ויעיין במאכלו ובמשתיו, כי המאכל והמשתה יוכל להזיק לגופו בלבד, והחברים או הפקידים יוכלו להשחית נפשו ומאודו וכל כבודו, ודוד המלך ע"ה אומר (תהלים קא:ו-ז): "לא ישב בקרב ביתי עושה רמיה הולך בדרך תמים הוא ישרתני".

(כג) ואין טוב לאדם אלא שיבקש לו חבירים תמימים שיאירו עיניו במה שהוא עור בו, ויוכיחוהו באהבתם ונמצאו מצילים אותו מכל רע, כי מה שאין האדם יכול לראות, לפי שאינו רואה חובה לעצמו, הם יראו ויבינו ויזהירוהו ונשמר, ועל זה נאמר (משלי כד:ו): ותשועה ברוב יועץ.

(22) Therefore he whose eyes are on his head (Kohelet 2:14), should be more watchful to scrutinize the deeds of someone who he wishes to acquire as a friend, advisor, or workers over his household than he is watchful to scrutinize his food and drink. For his food and drink can only damage his body while his friends and workers can destroy his soul, belongings and all of his honor. King David peace be unto him said: "He will not dwell within my house, he who practices deceit. He who follows the way of the innocent, he will serve me" (Tehilim 101:6-7).

(23) The only good then is for a person to seek out honest friends who will enlighten his eyes to what he is blind and will rebuke him out of love, thus rescuing him from all evil. For what a man cannot see due to his inability to see fault with himself, they will see and understand and warn him, and he will be protected. On this scripture says: "in abundance of counselors there is salvation"(Mishlei 24:6).

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