Vetaher Libainu With English

(3) It is forbidden for a man intentionally make himself have an erection or to cause himself to think about sex. Rather if he thinks about sex he should remove himself from vain things and go to the words of Torah which is like a beloved doe and a graceful deer. Therefore it is forbidden for someone to sleep on their back with his face up, rather he should lean to the side so that he doesn't come to have an erection. And he shouldn't look at a beast or a wild animal or bird when the male and females are copulating. But it is permitted for those who bring animals to mate to 'put the applicator in the tube' because that is their work and it won't cause them to have sexual thoughts.

(4) It is forbidden for a man who is not married to touch his private parts so that he doesn't come to have a sexual thought. And he may not even touch anywhere under his belly button lest he have a sexual thought. And when he urinates he should not hold his member and urinate. But if he is married this is permitted. And whether married or unmarried he shouldn't put his hand on his member at all except when he must relieve himself (see Orach Chaim 3).

(6) It is prohibited to ride on a beast without a saddle. Hagah: In the Talmud in the chapter [entitled] Kol Hayad, it seems that it is forbidden to wear pants unless they are made like thigh holds for this will bring him to spill his seed. And even though we could reject this proof and say that this refers only to those days when they had terumah and we had to be concerned about defiling the body, in any case since the Rosh cited this in his rulings, it seems that this is still prohibited today. And that which they were accustomed to permit this in the bathhouse it is possible to say that for a short time this is permitted, this is what seems to be true to me. Furthermore, in the Talmud they forbade one to wash with his father or brother or mother's husband or sister's husband. But now they are accustomed to allow this since they cover their genitals in the bathhouse, we need not be concerned about sexual thoughts (Agudah).

(7) Among the early pietists and great scholars was one that took pride in never having looked at the place where he had been circumcised, and one that took pride in never having contemplated on his wife's figure, as his mind would turn away from vain things to true matters which grasp the hearts of the holy ones.

(2) The root of this commandment is revealed, as through it a person is protected from sinning against God all his days. This commandment is really a fundamental principle in the religion, as evil thoughts are the progenitors of impurities, and the actions are their descendants. And if a person dies before having children, there is no record of the progeny; so it emerges that this prevention is the root that all good comes from. Understand my son, and let it be a jewel in your mouth, that which they, may their memory be blessed, said (Avot 4:2), "One sin leads to another, and one commandment leads to another." As if you allow yourself to fulfill your evil desire one time, you will be drawn after it many times. But if you merit to be 'mighty in the land' and to conquer your evil inclination and close your eyes from seeing evil one time, it will be easier for you to do so many times. As lust pulls the body like wine draws the drinker. Drunkards can never be sated by wine, but they will rather have a great desire for it. And according to [the large quantity that] they have gotten themselves accustomed, the stronger their desire will become. And if only they would drink a cup of water, it would temper the burning fire of [their] desire for wine, and make it pleasant for them. The same is true here: The more a person allows himself to be governed by his desires and to allow them to become habit, the stronger his evil inclination becomes every day. But in his preventing himself from them, he will always be happy with his portion every day; and he will see that 'God made people straight, but they seek out many schemes' for no reason of any point.

(13) Rabbi Shimon said: Be careful with the reading of Shema and the prayer, And when you pray, do not make your prayer something automatic, but a plea for compassion before God, for it is said: “for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in kindness, and renouncing punishment” (Joel 2:13); And be not wicked in your own esteem.

(3) And do not be wicked in your own eyes: That he not be an evildoer in his own eyes, [such] that he not be able to repent. As it comes out that this one gives up on repentance - and if a sin comes to his hand, it is (as if) it is permitted to him, since it comes to his mind that it is light compared to the heavy ones that he has transgressed. And he should also not be righteous in his own eyes, as they said in Tractate Niddah 30b, "The embryo is made to swear in the womb of his mother: Even if the entire world says that you are righteous, be like an evildoer in your own eyes" - and not an actual evildoer, but rather he should be half guilty and half meritorious in his own eyes. [If he] did one [more] commandment, happy is he - as he has determined that he be on the side of merit; ]if he] did one more sin, woe to him - as he has determined himself to be on the side of guilt. And this is that which they said in Vayikra Rabbah (Kiddushin 40a), "A man should always see himself as if he is half meritorious and half guilty, as it is stated (Proverbs 14:16), 'A wise man is afraid and evades evil.'" He wanted to say that even though he has evaded evil, the wise man is afraid because he is evil in his own eyes. And it comes out that he runs after the commandments, so that they determine him to be on the side of merit. And he runs from the sins, so that they not determine him to be on the side of guilt.

(1) When a man thinks of himself as lacking [virtue] and low, a lacking will not seem [too] big in his eyes for him to do it. And we have already explained that the matter of "fixed" (keva) is that prayer be heavy upon him and he will consider it as if he were commanded a particular chore and then he can rest from it.

(3) and with goodness the world is judged: And the Holy One, blessed be He, does not judge man only according to his deeds - rather [also] with His Goodness and His trait of kindness. And this is what David said (Psalms 25:7), "Be not mindful of my youthful sins and my transgressions." Sins - whether they are accidental or volitional - are what a man does in his youth, when his impulse impels him and his intellect is weak. However those that he does after he has grown in years and his intellect is complete are called transgressions or rebellion. And because of this, he confessed and said, "Both the sins of my youth and the transgressions from after I grew up, 'do not remember'; and so [too] let my memory go up in front of You, remember me for the good. 'But in keeping with Your kindness, You remember me - as befits Your goodness, Lord.'" As the world is judged with kindness, and even evildoers are judged with His goodness, as it is stated (Psalms 145:9), "Good is the Lord to all [and His mercies are to all of His creatures]." And the evildoers are included in His creatures - of the Holy One, blessed be He - as it is [found] in the midrash.

(1) A person must stay very far from women. He is forbidden to signal with his hands or his feet, or to hint with his eyes, to one of the arayos. He is forbidden to be playful with her, to be frivolous in front of her, or to look upon her beauty. Even to smell the perfume upon her is forbidden. He is forbidden to gaze at women doing laundry. He is forbidden to gaze at the colorful garments of a woman whom he recognizes, even if she is not wearing them, lest he come to have [forbidden] thoughts about her. If one encounters a woman in the marketplace, he is forbidden to walk behind her, but rather [must] run so that she is beside or behind him. One may not pass by the door of a promiscuous woman [or: a prostitute], even four cubits [around 6–8 ft or 2–2.5 m] distant. If one gazes even at the little finger of a woman with the intent to have pleasure from it, it is as though he gazed at her shameful place. It is forbidden to listen to the voice of an erva or to look at her hair. If one intentionally does one of these things, we give him lashes of rebellion. These things are also forbidden in the case of ordinary Biblical prohibitions.

(2) Jewish women may not go with uncovered head in the marketplace, whether married or not.

(3) It is permissible to gaze at an unmarried woman to determine if she is attractive, in order [to decide whether] to marry her, whether she is a virgin or not, and moreover it is fitting to do so. But he may not look at her in a promiscuous way, and about this it is said (Job 31:1): "I made a covenant with my eyes, and how can I look upon a virgin?"

(4) It is permitted for a man to look at his wife, even if she is menstrually impure and is an erva to him. Even though he has pleasure in looking at her, he will not come to sin, since she is permissible after a time. But he may not be playful or frivolous with her.

(5) It is forbidden to be served by a woman at all, whether she is an adult or a minor, whether a slave or free, lest he come to have forbidden thoughts. What service were they speaking of? Washing his face, hands, and feet, even to pour water so he can wash his face, hands, and feet, even if she does not touch him; or making his bed in front of him; or pouring a drink. Rem"a: Some say that eating with her with a bowl is also forbidden with every erva, as with his menstrually impure wife. There are those who are lenient in all of this, that they only prohibited affectionate things with one's menstrually impure wife. Some say that all this is forbidden only when they are alone, but in a place like a bathhouse where many people are found, one may be washed by an idolatrous slave woman, and this is the custom. And some say that anything not done in a affectionate manner (בדרך חבה), where his intent is only for Heaven's sake, is permitted. Thus the custom is to be lenient in these things. Some say that one should not do affectionate things even with his wife, such as to inspect her head for lice, in front of others.)

(6) One may not inquire after a woman's welfare at all, even through an intermediary, and it is forbidden to send regards to her even through her husband. But it is permissible to ask her husband about her welfare.

(7) To hug or kiss one of the arayos whom people do not normally lust after, such as his adult sister or his aunt or similar, even though he derives no pleasure at all, is very reprehensible, forbidden, and the act of a fool. This is because there are no relatives for [the purposes of] licentiousness at all, whether adult or minor, except the father to his daughter and the mother to her son. How is this? A father is permitted to hug his daughter, kiss her, and sleep next to her with flesh touching, and so too a mother with her son, as long as they are minors. When they grow up, so that the son is an adult, and the daughter is an adult until "her breasts are formed and her hair grows" (Ezekiel 16:7), they must sleep clothed. If the daughter is embarrassed to stand before her father naked, or she is betrothed, and likewise if the mother is embarrassed to stand before her son naked – even if they are minors, when they reach the point of being embarrassed, they may not sleep together except clothed.

(14) Unless he is married, one should take care not to grasp the organ except from the corona downwards and urinate, lest he bring forth seed in vain. However, it is a pious practice to take such care even if one is married.

(15) It is permitted to aid [urination] from the testicles and below, even for one who is not married.

(16) One who is married is not permitted to grasp the organ except to urinate. However, he is not to brush against it.

(1) Anyone who sleeps with one of the forbidden relationships "by way of limbs", or who hugs and kisses in a sexual way and takes pleasure in physical intimacy, receives lashes for a d'Oraisa transgression, as it says (Leviticus 18:30) "do not do any of these abominable customs etc" and it says (Leviticus 18:6) "do not approach to uncover nakedness", which is to say do not approach things which will bring you to transgressing Arayos.

(2) One who engages in these behaviours is suspected of committing Arayos. And it's forbidden for a person to intimate with his hands or feet or to hint with his eyes to any of the Arayos or to laugh with her or to engage in light-headedness. And even to smell her perfume or to gaze at her beauty is forbidden. And one who engages in this deliberately receives lashes of rebelliousness. And one who gazes even at the little finger of a woman intending to derive sexual pleasure is comparable to one who looks at her genitalia. And even to hear the voice of an Ervah or to look at her hair is forbidden.

(3) These matters are [also] forbidden with regard to women with whom relations are forbidden on the basis of [merely] a negative commandment. It is permitted to look at the face of an unmarried woman and examine her [features] whether she is a virgin or has engaged in relations previously to see whether she is attractive in his eyes so that he may marry her. There is no prohibition in doing this. On the contrary, it is proper to do this. One should not, however, look in a licentious manner. Behold [Job 31:1] states: "I established a covenant with my eyes; I would not gaze at a maiden."

(4) A man is permitted to gaze at his wife when she is in the Niddah state although she is an Ervah [at that time]. Although his heart derives satisfaction from seeing her, since she will be permitted to him afterwards, he will not suffer a lapse. He should not, however, share mirth with her or act frivolously with her lest this lead to sin.

(5) It is forbidden for a man to have any woman- whether a minor or an adult, whether a servant or a freed woman- perform personal tasks for him, lest he come to lewd thoughts. Which tasks are referred to? Washing his face, his hands, or his feet, spreading his bed in his presence, and pouring him a cup. For these tasks are performed for a man only by his wife. [A man] should not send greetings to a woman at all, not even via a messenger.

(6) When a man embraces or kisses any of the women forbidden to him as arayot despite the fact that his heart does not disturb him concerning the matter, e.g. his adult sister, his mother's sister, or the like, it is very shameful. it is forbidden and it is foolish conduct. [This applies] even though he has no desire or pleasure at all. For one should not show closeness to a woman forbidden to him as an Ervah at all, whether an adult or a minor, except a woman to her son and a father to his daughter.

(12) Similarly, the sages forbade a man to have marital relations while thinking of another woman. Nor may he initiate sex while drunk, nor out of spite or hatred, nor may he rape her or initiate sex while she is afraid. Nor may they have sex while either of them are excommunicated nor after he has decided to divorce her. If [the husband] does any of those things, the children will not be proper [citizens] but brazen, rebellious [people] and criminals.

(17) Jewish women should not walk in the market with their hair uncovered. [This applies to] single women and married women. Additionally, a woman should not walk in the market with her child following behind her. [This is] a decree (gezera) enacted to prevent the child being abducted, and her following after them to bring him back and being molested by the wicked people who capriciously abducted him

(23) It is forbidden for a man who is not married to touch his private parts so that he doesn't come to have a sexual thought. And he may not even touch anywhere under his belly button lest he have a sexual thought. And when he urinates he should not hold his member and urinate. But if he is married this is permitted. And whether married or unmarried he shouldn't put his hand on his member at all when he must relieve himself.

(2) Jews are not suspected of male homosexual penetrative intercourse or of bestiality. Therefore, it is not forbidden to seclude oneself with them (i.e. to have yichud between two men, or between one person and one animal). And if one distances oneself, even from seclusion between two men or with one animal, behold, this is praiseworthy. And the great sages used to distance themselves from animals, in order not to be secluded with them. It is forbidden to seclude oneself with arayot (people biblically forbidden for one to have intercourse with), "mipi kabalah", i.e. this is an accepted ruling passed down.

(18) There is no prohibition in the whole of Scripture which the generality of the people experience greater difficulty in observing than the interdict of forbidden unions and illicit intercourse. The sages have declared that when Israel was given the commandments concerning forbidden unions, they wept and accepted this injunction with grumbling and wailing, as it is said, "weeping in their families (Numbers 11:10), i.e., weeping on account of the matter of family relations

(5) If, God forbid, you had a seminal emission at night, upon waking up from your sleep you should wash your hands and say with a contrite heart, "Master of the Universe I have done this unwittingly but it was due to sinful thoughts and sinful reflections; therefore, may it be Your will Adonoy, my God, and the God of my fathers, to erase this iniquity through your great mercy, and save me from sinful thoughts, and from similar occurrences forever and ever. Amein, so may it be Your will."

(6) If you wish to avoid this sin, guard your mouth against obscene language, lies, talebearing, slander, and mockery. You should also guard your ears from hearing such talk. You must also be careful to fulfill your vows, not to worry too much about things, and be careful to guard yourself against lewd thoughts. Before going to sleep you should study Torah or say the first four Chapters of the Psalms,⁷See Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 132:5. and be careful not to sleep alone in a room.

(7) Means of amendment for a person who has succumbed to this sin, are recorded in the book, Yesod Yosef, which the author culled and gathered from holy and ancient books. Here I will cite some of them briefly: He should try to be sandeik, that is, to have babies circumcised on his knees (lap), and in particular to be a sandeik for poor families. He should increase his charity to the poor, observe Shabbos properly and honor it delightfully, and light many Shabbos candles. He should honor and love those who learn Torah. He should pray with fervor and tears. He should adopt the character of humility, and if he hears people insult him, he should be quiet and forgiving. When performing a mitzvah, he should do it energetically and with quickness until it warms him, particularly when preparing the matzos for Pesach. He should raise his children to study Torah, and train them to be God-fearing. He should raise an orphan in his home, and should treat him as he treats his own son. He should engage in the mitzvah of dowering poor brides. He should be called up to the reading of the Torah at least once a month, and recite the berachos aloud. He should look in the Torah, and read quietly along with the reader. He should try to be among the first ten to come to the Synagogue. He should arise in the middle of the night to recite tikun chatzos⁸See Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 1:5. with tears. And if it is impossible for him to get up in the middle of the night, he should recite tikun chatzos later in the night. He should love peace and should pursue peace.⁹See also Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 198:7.

(5) Whether this accounting is a constant duty on a man or only at some times but not at others, I say in response to this question as follows:,This accounting is a duty on a man according to his intellectual ability and level of understanding, at all times, with every blink of an eye, and if he can, with every one of his breaths, in order that he not part from awe, fear, and shame-facedness of the Almighty, may He be exalted, who constantly observes him. ,Let one learn from what G-d has commanded a king (of Israel) in saying: "And it will be, when he sits upon his royal throne, that he shall write for himself this Torah on a scroll...And it shall be with him always, and he shall read it all the days of his life [so that he may learn to fear the L-ord, his G-d, to keep all the words of this Torah and these statutes, to do them]" (Devarim 17:18), and "This book of the Torah shall not leave your mouth; you shall meditate therein day and night [in order that you observe to do all that is written in it, for then will you succeed in all your ways and then will you prosper]" (Yehoshua 1:8). And also (to every Jew in the Shema): "And these words, which I command you this day, shall be on your heart" (Devarim 6:6), and "you shall bind them for a sign upon your hand, and they shall be Totafos between your eyes" (Devarim 6:8). And He reinforced the matter in the chapter of Tzitzit in saying: "this shall be Tzitzit for you, and when you see it, you will remember all the commandments of the L-ord to perform them, and you shall not wander after your hearts and after your eyes after which you go astray" (Bamidbar 15:39), and then "So that you shall remember and perform all My commandments and you shall be holy to your G-d" (Bamidbar 15:40). ,What is there left, on the matter of arousing us on the spiritual accounting of remembering the Creator that He did not arouse us in?!,According to this, my brother, it is proper for you to conduct yourself, in habituating the accounting with yourself before G-d every hour and every moment. ,Do not consider small in your eyes any good that you do for His Name, even a word, or a gazing of the eye, because a little bit from you is a lot by Him, and likewise, for the matter of sins. ,A familiar analogy for this is the movement of the sun's position in the sky. When it moves one meter, the astronomical distance covered is many, many kilometers, likewise for the movement of the shadow in the astrology tool.,Do not consider big in your eyes the acts that you do, even if you do them with intent for His Name. Because, if you make an exact accounting, you will see that for even a little bit of the smallest favors He has done for you, all the combined good deeds of all the inhabitants of the world doubled over would not be enough to pay Him back for it. ,Therefore, do not neglect from doing your accounting between you and your Creator, on the great favors He has done for you, and His great kindnesses with you each and every day. If your heart does not turn to this during the day, let it be at night. If the entire day (and night) has passed, complete it the second day, as our sages said: "repent one day before your death" (Avos 2:10), and "Let your garments be white (clean) always" (Koheles 9:8).

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