What We Can Learn from Moshe, God and My Mother; How to Love Criticism In memory of Zisel Bat Bayla, Sylvia Fruchter

(9) R. Elazar b. Azaryah said: I swear that there is no one in this generation who is able to accept reproof. R. Akiva said: I swear that there is no one in this generation who knows how to give reproof.

The mishna relates that the cow of Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya would go out on Shabbat with a strap between its horns, contrary to the will of the Sages. The Gemara asks: Did Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya have only one cow? Didn’t Rav say, and some say that Rav Yehuda said that Rav said: Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya would tithe from his herds 12,000 calves each and every year? There were 120, 000 calves born in his herds annually. There is no way, then, to speak of the cow of Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya. The Gemara answers: It was taught in the Tosefta: The cow was not his; rather, it was his neighbor’s. And because he did not protest her conduct and tell her that doing so is prohibited the cow was called by his name to his discredit, as if it were his. It was related that Rav, and Rabbi Ḥanina, and Rabbi Yoḥanan, and Rav Ḥaviva taught the statement cited below... Anyone who had the capability to effectively protest the sinful conduct of the members of his household and did not protest, he himself is apprehended for the sins of the members of his household and punished. If he is in a position to protest the sinful conduct of the people of his town, and he fails to do so, he is apprehended for the sins of the people of his town. If he is in a position to protest the sinful conduct of the whole world, and he fails to do so, he is apprehended for the sins of the whole world.

(7) He who beholds his fellow stooping to sin or following an unrighteous path, is obliged to return him toward the good, and to let him know that he is actually sinning against himself in pursuing wicked deeds for, it is said: "And thou shalt indeed rebuke thy neighbor" (Lev. 19.17). He who rebukes his fellow, whether it be regarding a sin committed between man and man, or whether it be regarding matters between man and God, it is essential that the rebuke be administered only between them both; and he shall speak to him calmly, employing soft language, telling him that he does not speak of it to him, save for his own good, to bring him to a life in the world to come. If he receive it attentively from him, it is well; if not, he should rebuke him a second, even a third time. So is the constant duty of a man to continue to rebuke his fellow, even until the sinner strike him, and say unto him: "I will not listen". He in whose power it is to prevent sin and does not take the means to prevent it, he himself is ultimately overtaken by their sin, since it was possible for him to prevent them.⁷Shabbat, 54a; Ibid. 119b; Baba Mezi’a 31a. C. G.

(22) The seventeenth thing to remember is that it is a very good quality to keep away from people when he can save himself from them, and sit in his room alone. For most transgressions are committed by two or more — for example, fornication, gossip, lies and flattery — and from all of these he who sits alone is saved for he will not vaunt himself over any man and he will not hear their idle talk. For when he stays with them he is obliged to rebuke them in three ways : either by striking the offender, as Phinehas did when he took the javelin in his hand (Num. 25:7); or with words, as Moses our Teacher did, when he said to the wicked man, "Wherefore smitest thou thy fellow?" (Ex. 2:13); or in one's heart, as David said, "I hate the gathering of evil-doers, and will not sit with the wicked" (Ps. 26:5). And who can constantly keep quarreling with such people, inasmuch as they constantly transgress? But when you sit alone you avoid all this guilt and you are saved from many transgressions. But pious people one should join and one should sit near them and learn from them, as it is written, "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise" (Prov. 13:20).

*15th century anonymous text

(11) Some time after that, when Moses had grown up, he went out to his kinsfolk and witnessed their labors. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his kinsmen. (12) He turned this way and that and, seeing no one about, he struck down the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.

(1) Now Moses, tending the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian, drove the flock into the wilderness, and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. (2) An angel of the LORD appeared to him in a blazing fire out of a bush. He gazed, and there was a bush all aflame, yet the bush was not consumed. (3) Moses said, “I must turn aside to look at this marvelous sight; why doesn’t the bush burn up?” (4) When the LORD saw that he had turned aside to look, God called to him out of the bush: “Moses! Moses!” He answered, “Here I am.”

(1) נתתיך אלהים לפרעה This signifies I have made thee a judge and castigator — to castigate him with plagues and pains.

(3) And Abraham rebuked Avimelech: R. Yosi ben R. Hanina said: Rebuke leads to love, as it says, rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Such indeed is R. Yosi ben Hanina’s view, for he said: Love unaccompanied by rebuke is not love. Resh Lakish said: Rebuke leads to peace; hence, ‘And Abrhaman reproved Avimelech’. Such is his view, for he said: Peace unaccompanied by rebuke is not peace.