And with regard to divine judgment, these are a person’s advocates: Repentance and good deeds. The Gemara comments: And even if there are nine hundred ninety-nine asserting his guilt and only one asserting his innocence, he is spared, as it is stated: “If there be for him an angel, an advocate, one among a thousand, to vouch for a man’s uprightness; then He is gracious unto him, and says: Deliver him from going down to the pit, I have found a ransom” (Job 33:23–24). Rabbi Eliezer, son of Rabbi Yosei HaGelili, says: Even if there are nine hundred ninety-nine portions within that same angel accusing him, and one portion asserting his innocence, he is spared, as it stated: “An advocate, one among a thousand.” Even when the advocate who asserts his innocence finds only one-tenth of one percent of innocence in this man, even then, he is gracious unto him, and says: Deliver him from going down to the pit, I have found a ransom.
(ז) הַנּוֹקֵם מֵחֲבֵרוֹ עוֹבֵר בְּלֹא תַּעֲשֶׂה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר לֹא תִקֹּם. וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵינוֹ לוֹקֶה עָלָיו דֵּעָה רָעָה הִיא עַד מְאֹד. אֶלָּא רָאוּי לוֹ לָאָדָם לִהְיוֹת מַעֲבִיר עַל מִדּוֹתָיו עַל כָּל דִּבְרֵי הָעוֹלָם שֶׁהַכּל אֵצֶל הַמְּבִינִים דִּבְרֵי הֶבֶל וַהֲבַאי וְאֵינָן כְּדַאי לִנְקֹם עֲלֵיהֶם. כֵּיצַד הִיא הַנְּקִימָה. אָמַר לוֹ חֲבֵרוֹ הַשְׁאִילֵנִי קַרְדֻּמְךָ, אָמַר לוֹ אֵינִי מַשְׁאִילְךָ. לְמָחָר צָרִיךְ לִשְׁאל מִמֶּנּוּ, אָמַר לוֹ חֲבֵרוֹ הַשְׁאִילֵנִי קַרְדֻּמְךָ, אָמַר לוֹ אֵינִי מַשְׁאִילְךָ כְּדֶרֶךְ שֶׁלֹּא הִשְׁאַלְתַּנִי כְּשֶׁשָּׁאַלְתִּי מִמְּךָ, הֲרֵי זֶה נוֹקֵם. אֶלָּא כְּשֶׁיָּבוֹא לוֹ לִשְׁאל יִתֵּן בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם וְלֹא יִגְמל לוֹ כַּאֲשֶׁר גְּמָלוֹ. וְכֵן כָּל כַּיּוֹצֵא בָּאֵלּוּ. וְכֵן אָמַר דָּוִד בְּדֵעוֹתָיו הַטּוֹבוֹת (תהילים ז ה) "אִם גָּמַלְתִּי שׁוֹלְמִי רָע וָאֲחַלְּצָה" וְגוֹ':
a(7) He who takes vengeance of his fellow violates the prohibitive commandment of, "Thou shalt not take vengeance" (Lev. 19.18.); and, even though he is not flogged for the violation, it is an extremely evil tendency. Forsooth, it becomes man to be indulgent in his ethical conduct in all temporal matters, for, to those who can reason all worldly matters are vanity and absurdity, unworthy to call forth vengeance on their account. How is the sin of taking vengeance established? Said his friend to him: "Lend me your ax". Answered he: "No, I will not lend it to you." On the morrow, he needs to borrow an ax himself. Says he to his friend: "Lend me your ax." Answered his friend: "No, I will not lend it to you, even as you refused to lend it to me when I asked for it." Behold, this one takes vengeance. For when one comes to lend aught of the other, he should give it to him whole-heartedly, and not to deal with him as he was dealt with by him. And so in all like matters. Even so David expressed it in his good ethical ideas: "If I have requited him that did evil unto me, or spoiled mine adversary unto emptiness etc."
(ג) וקנה לך חבר. לשלשה דברי' אדם צריך אל החבר הטוב. האחד לדברי תורה כמו שאמר הרבה למדתי מרבותי ומחברי יותר מרבותי. והשני למצות שאף כשאין חבירו חסיד ממנו ופעמים שגם הוא עושה אשר לא כדת. כשהוא נהנה בדבר עושה העבירה. אבל אין חפצו ורצונו שחברו יעשנה כי אין לו הנאה בזה וכמו שאמרו (קדושין סג:) ואין אדם חוטא ולא לו. נמצאו שניהם חוזרין בתשובה כל אחד על פי חברו. והשלישי לענין העצה שיקחנו להיות לו מעיר לעזור בכל ענינו ולקחת ממנו עצה טובה ולהיות בן סודו אחר היותו עמו בברית ולא יגלנו לאחרים לבל יפרו מחשבתו ואף לא לנראים אליו כאהבים כי צורת האהבה נכרת על פניהם. ועל זה אמר שלמה ע"ה (משלי ט"ו כ"ב) הפר מחשבות באין סוד וברוב יועצים תקום. ומה שאמר וקנה לך חבר בלשון (נקיה) [קניה] שאם לא ימצאנו בחנם יקחנו בכספו ויבזבז נכסיו כדי להשיג אל חבר טוב או שיקנהו בפיוס דברים ובלשון רכה ולא יקפיד בדבריו ויסבול אמרי פיהו אף כשיאמר דבר כנגדו אל ישיבהו מענה. שבלא כן לא ישאר באהבה שהדעות חלוקים הם ופעמים יבקש דבר אוהבו כנפשו יאמר ראה זה לא אכשר ואם לא יעשה כן (ויעבירהו על כל פנים) תפרד החבילה. וזהו שאמר שלמה ע"ה (משלי י"ז ט') מכסה פשע מבקש אהבה ושנה בדבר מפריד אלוף. ר"ל המכסה כשיפשע חברו מבקש אהבה כי על ידי זה תתקיים אהבתם שיסבול פשעיו. ושנה בדבר אם חברו אומר כנגדו וחוזר אותו ואומר ראו מה אמר פלוני מה דבר עלי מפריד אלוף (על כל פנים) מפריד אלופו ממנו ר"ל אוהבו:
(3) "acquire for yourself a friend": A person needs three things from a good friend. One is for words of Torah, as it stated (Taanit 7a), "I have learned much from my teachers and more from my friends than from my teachers." And the second is for commandments. As even if his friend is not more pious than he and there are times that he does what is not in order. [Yet it is only] when he derives pleasure from something that he does the sin, but it is not his desire and his will that his friend do it - as he derives no enjoyment from this. And it is like they said (Kiddushin 63b), "And a man will not sin if it is not for himself." It comes out that both of them will repent, each one according to the word of his friend. And the third is regarding advice that he can take, that he be 'one who arouses (a counselor) for help' in all of his affairs and to take good counsel from him and to be his confidant. Since he is his ally, he will not reveal [his secrets] to others so as not to confound his plan - and not even to those that appear to him to be friends; for is the appearance of love evident on their faces? And about this Shlomo, peace be upon him, stated (Proverbs 15:22), "Plans are foiled for want of counsel, but they succeed through many advisers." And that which he said, "acquire for yourself a friend" with an expression of [acquisition] (euphemism) is [to say] that if he does not find him for free, he should acquire him with his money and expend his assets in order to get to a good friend; or that he should acquire him with words of appeasement and with a soft way of talking. And [so] he should not be exacting about his words and he should tolerate the words of his mouth; even when he says something against him, he should not return a response. As without this, he will not keep [the friendship], since the opinions [of people] are different. And sometimes he will seek something, [but] his friend who is like himself will say, "See, I do not [consider] this to be fit." And if he doesn't [listen to his friend] (he will certainly pass him up), the [friendship] will unravel. And this is what Shlomo, peace be upon him, stated (Proverbs 17:9), "He who seeks love covers errors, but he who harps on a matter alienates a leader." He meant to say, one who covers when his friend errs, seeks love - as through this, their love is preserved, as he tolerates his errors. But if he harps about the matter with his friend, he speaks against him and repeats it and says, "See what this one said; what he said about me, he 'alienates the leader' - he(certainly) alienates his leader from him, meaning to say, his friend.
From Keshet: "The Problem With Being An Ally"
Here are some ways to ally like you mean it:
1. Repeat the following sentence to yourself over and over again: This is not about you. Calling yourself an ally is not a way, or should not be a way, to make yourself feel better. It’s not cute, it doesn’t (or rather, it shouldn’t) get you extra bonus points at life. It’s the way we should all be behaving. Do everything you have to do to remember that this is about people’s real lives.
2. Take up less space. A lot less.
Earlier this year, I wrote a piece about street harassment and racism, in which I talked about my own narrative of race, and the beliefs that I (and all white people) possess on some level about people of color. The thing is, that piece was like therapy for me, which is not the point. It’s not that processing my own racism isn’t important —it is —but allyship is the work of creating space, which means stepping aside to make room for other voices that are not yours. When someone with less privilege than you tells that you made a mistake, do your very best to listen and hear.
It should go without saying that all of these things apply to being an ally in Jewish spaces to queer folks, to Jews of color, to women, etc. This work is scary, especially when we do it in our own communities, which means it’s the place where it’s most needed. It’s political. Depending on how you see it, it’s religious. It’s very, very personal.
And even though it’s hard, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.
(11) The ear that heard me acclaimed me; The eye that saw, commended me. (12) For I saved the poor man who cried out, The orphan who had none to help him. (13) I received the blessing of the lost; I gladdened the heart of the widow. (14) I clothed myself in righteousness and it robed me; Justice was my cloak and turban. (15) I was eyes to the blind And feet to the lame. (16) I was a father to the needy, And I looked into the case of the stranger.
From Keshet
Who are the Four Allies? Which one are you?
1. The ally who asks what “LGBTQ” means: The first step to taking bold action and advocating on behalf of others is to approach with curiosity, humility, and openness. An ally is open to learning new things and challenging their own assumptions.
2. The ally who stands up for a friend: The lives of people we care about, our friends, family, and colleagues can be powerful catalysts for action.
3. The ally who speaks up about equality: When we speak out against injustice because it’s the right thing to do, regardless if someone we know and care about is affected, we act on behalf our core values.
4. The ally who comes out as an advocate to move equality forward: As allies, we are often insulated from the vulnerabilities that LGBTQ people face in the world. However coming out publicly as an ally can also mean taking a risk on behalf of the values and people we care about.
What are the Four Questions we could be asking ourselves? Consider these:
1. What other social movements for equality have you stood up for?
2. When have you been an ally or seen someone else be an ally?
3. What kind of ally would you like to be?
4. What are you risking by being an ally? What is on the line for you?