10 Commandments of Parenting
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ByHal Rudin-Luria
דברים ו׳:ד׳-ט׳

(ד) שְׁמַ֖ע יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל ה' אֱלֹקֵ֖ינוּ ה' ׀ אֶחָֽד׃ (ה) וְאָ֣הַבְתָּ֔ אֵ֖ת ה' אֱלֹקֶ֑יךָ בְּכָל־לְבָבְךָ֥ וּבְכָל־נַפְשְׁךָ֖ וּבְכָל־מְאֹדֶֽךָ׃ (ו) וְהָי֞וּ הַדְּבָרִ֣ים הָאֵ֗לֶּה אֲשֶׁ֨ר אָנֹכִ֧י מְצַוְּךָ֛ הַיּ֖וֹם עַל־לְבָבֶֽךָ׃ (ז) וְשִׁנַּנְתָּ֣ם לְבָנֶ֔יךָ וְדִבַּרְתָּ֖ בָּ֑ם בְּשִׁבְתְּךָ֤ בְּבֵיתֶ֙ךָ֙ וּבְלֶכְתְּךָ֣ בַדֶּ֔רֶךְ וּֽבְשָׁכְבְּךָ֖ וּבְקוּמֶֽךָ׃ (ח) וּקְשַׁרְתָּ֥ם לְא֖וֹת עַל־יָדֶ֑ךָ וְהָי֥וּ לְטֹטָפֹ֖ת בֵּ֥ין עֵינֶֽיךָ׃ (ט) וּכְתַבְתָּ֛ם עַל־מְזוּזֹ֥ת בֵּיתֶ֖ךָ וּבִשְׁעָרֶֽיךָ׃

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

(4) HEAR, O ISRAEL YHVH IS OUR GOD, YHVH IS ONE. (5) And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. (6) And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be upon your heart; (7) and you shalt teach them diligently unto your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk on the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up. (8) And you shalt bind them for a sign upon your hand, and they shall be for frontlets between your eyes. (9) And you shalt write them upon the door-posts of your house, and upon your gates.

Questions for Discussion:

  1. What are you instructed to teach diligently to your children?
  2. What would you say you try to "teach diligently" to your children?
  3. A more literal translation of that verse would say, "teach through oral repetition to your children." Does that change the meaning for you?
משלי כ״ב:ו׳

(ו) חֲנֹ֣ךְ לַ֭נַּעַר עַל־פִּ֣י דַרְכּ֑וֹ גַּ֥ם כִּֽי־יַ֝זְקִ֗ין לֹֽא־יָס֥וּר מִמֶּֽנָּה׃

Proverbs 22:6

(6) Train up a child in the way s/he should go, And even when s/he is old, s/he will not depart from it.

Questions for Discussion:

  1. According to Proverbs, what is your task as a parent?
קידושין כ״ט א:י׳

האב חייב בבנו למולו ולפדותו וללמדו תורה ולהשיאו אשה וללמדו אומנות וי"א אף להשיטו במים רבי יהודה אומר כל שאינו מלמד את בנו אומנות מלמדו ליסטות

Kiddushin 29a:10

A [parent] is obligated to do the following for [their child]: to circumcise him, to redeem him if he is a first born, to teach him/her Torah, to find him/her a partner, and to teach him/her a trade. Others say: teaching him/her how to swim as well. Rabbi Yehuda says, One who does not teach [their child] a trade, it is as if s/he taught him/her thievery.

​Questions for Discussion:

  1. According to the Talmud, what 6 things are you responsible for as a parent?
  2. What would you expect to find on this list? What is missing from this list?
  3. Why "teach to swim"?
  4. What 6 things do you feel obligated to do for your children?
שמות כ׳:י״ב
(יב) כַּבֵּ֥ד אֶת־אָבִ֖יךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּ֑ךָ לְמַ֙עַן֙ יַאֲרִכ֣וּן יָמֶ֔יךָ עַ֚ל הָאֲדָמָ֔ה אֲשֶׁר־ה' אֱלֹקֶ֖יךָ נֹתֵ֥ן לָֽךְ׃ (ס)
Exodus 20:12
(12) Honor your father and your mother, that you may long endure on the land that the LORD your God is assigning to you.
דברים כ״א:י״ח-כ״א
(יח) כִּֽי־יִהְיֶ֣ה לְאִ֗ישׁ בֵּ֚ן סוֹרֵ֣ר וּמוֹרֶ֔ה אֵינֶ֣נּוּ שֹׁמֵ֔עַ בְּק֥וֹל אָבִ֖יו וּבְק֣וֹל אִמּ֑וֹ וְיסְּר֣וּ אֹת֔וֹ וְלֹ֥א יִשְׁמַ֖ע אֲלֵיהֶֽם׃ (יט) וְתָ֥פְשׂוּ ב֖וֹ אָבִ֣יו וְאִמּ֑וֹ וְהוֹצִ֧יאוּ אֹת֛וֹ אֶל־זִקְנֵ֥י עִיר֖וֹ וְאֶל־שַׁ֥עַר מְקֹמֽוֹ׃ (כ) וְאָמְר֞וּ אֶל־זִקְנֵ֣י עִיר֗וֹ בְּנֵ֤נוּ זֶה֙ סוֹרֵ֣ר וּמֹרֶ֔ה אֵינֶ֥נּוּ שֹׁמֵ֖עַ בְּקֹלֵ֑נוּ זוֹלֵ֖ל וְסֹבֵֽא׃ (כא) וּ֠רְגָמֻהוּ כָּל־אַנְשֵׁ֨י עִיר֤וֹ בָֽאֲבָנִים֙ וָמֵ֔ת וּבִֽעַרְתָּ֥ הָרָ֖ע מִקִּרְבֶּ֑ךָ וְכָל־יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל יִשְׁמְע֥וּ וְיִרָֽאוּ׃ (ס)
Deuteronomy 21:18-21
(18) If a man has a wayward and defiant son, who does not heed his father or mother and does not obey them even after they discipline him, (19) his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his town at the public place of his community. (20) They shall say to the elders of his town, “This son of ours is disloyal and defiant; he does not heed us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.” (21) Thereupon the men of his town shall stone him to death. Thus you will sweep out evil from your midst: all Israel will hear and be afraid.
שמות כ׳:י״ד
(יד) לֹ֥א תַחְמֹ֖ד בֵּ֣ית רֵעֶ֑ךָ לֹֽא־תַחְמֹ֞ד אֵ֣שֶׁת רֵעֶ֗ךָ וְעַבְדּ֤וֹ וַאֲמָתוֹ֙ וְשׁוֹר֣וֹ וַחֲמֹר֔וֹ וְכֹ֖ל אֲשֶׁ֥ר לְרֵעֶֽךָ׃ (פ)
Exodus 20:14
(14) You shall not covet your neighbor’s house: you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female slave, or his ox or his ass, or anything that is your neighbor’s.
סנהדרין ל״ח א:י׳
ולהגיד גדולתו כו': תנו רבנן להגיד גדולתו של מלך מלכי המלכים הקדוש ברוך הוא שאדם טובע כמה מטבעות בחותם אחד וכולן דומין זה לזה אבל הקדוש ברוך הוא טובע כל אדם בחותמו של אדם הראשון ואין אחד מהן דומה לחבירו שנא' (איוב לח, יד) תתהפך כחומר חותם ויתיצבו כמו לבוש
Sanhedrin 38a:10

In the first chapter of the Torah, we learn that G-d made Adam and all human beings after "in the image of G-d/ B'tzelem Elokim." Our rabbis taught: Adam, the first human being was created as a single person to show forth the greatness of the Ruler who is beyond all Rulers, the Blessed Holy One. For if a human ruler (like Caesar, the Roman Emperor) mints many coins from one mold, they all carry the same image, they all look the same. But the Blessed Holy One shaped all human beings in the Divine image, as Adam was shaped B'tzelem Elokim in the image of G-d. And yet not of them resembles another.