There is no real easy way to say this but as I studied this parshah for myself this week I could not help but recognize that of anything to offend the modern person. Ki Tetzei does have a lot of both ageism and sexism within it . Today though I am going to focus on those parts that I found sexist that seem to me as a man to degrade women and seek out some relevancy for today. I have to say as a man I am no expert on the topic of sexism. I though have one semester left and I finish up a Women and Gender Studies Concentration at Oakton . In doing this concentration it is has made me more self-aware to my own sexism and opened my eyes even more to how I as a man aid in the continued oppression of women ,and the gender non-conforming especially within this parshah which I find witnessed to in the parshah those in the treatment of Non-Israelite women, and the way one is told to dress .I hope to bring some relevancy to the topic and maybe some answer to the sexism we deal with within our day.
First of all we read within the first part of this parshah :
(10) When you take the field against your enemies, and the Eternal your G-d delivers them into your power and you take some of them captive, (11) and you see among the captives a beautiful woman and you desire her and would take her to wife, (12) you shall bring her into your house, and she shall trim her hair, pare her nails, (13) and discard her captive’s garb. She shall spend a month’s time in your house lamenting her father and mother; after that you may come to her and possess her, and she shall be your wife. (14) Then, should you no longer want her, you must release her outright. You must not sell her for money: since you had your will of her, you must not enslave her.
Some may argue that within this text the woman is afforded some rights she is not a "Slave" but she is still taken away from everything she knows, forced to assimilate, and has no choice in any of what has happened she is simply a "Spoil of war"
Elizabeth Cady Stanton notes in her commentary on these verses within The Women's Bible:
Women's Bible ,Elizabeth Cady Stanton
All this is done if the woman will renounce her religion and accept the new faith. The shaving of the head was a rite in accepting the new faith, the paring of the nails a token of submission. In all these transactions the woman had no fixed rights whatever. In that word "humbled" is included the whole of our false morality in regard to the equal relations of the sexes. Why in this responsible act of creation, on which depends life and immortality, woman is said to be humbled, when she is the prime factor in the relation, is a question difficult to answer, except in her general degradation, carried off without her consent as spoils of war, subject to the fancy of any man, to be taken or cast off at his pleasure, no matter what is done with her.
These verses on how we treat those women who are not Israelite in times of war witness to the fact that even within our society today women are not given the choices afforded to men, business environments do at times require women look or dress a certain way just to get promoted and be honest some men do treat women still now as if they are trophies. These are very much realities within our times. How do these verses give an answer as to what can be done? I think they point us to the fact that we as men have done these things to women denied them choice, dictate they not be their true selves around us and even seen them as trophies to be won instead of human being beings deserving of the same equality as you and I have. These verses in Torah I think are some of those hard verses that should challenge us in our own privilege and the privilege at the expense of others during the time.
Now on to the way we are told to dress
(5) A woman must not put on man’s apparel, nor shall a man wear woman’s clothing; for whoever does these things is abhorrent to the Eternal your G-d.
This verse if taken literally seems to forbid all cross-dressing but it leaves out those today within our society who may feel they don't fit within the gender binary or those who were assigned a certain gender at birth that do not match who they truly are on the inside . This verse leaves out a whole growing section of our society that from my gender studies classes I have learned has always existed but I want to say that from torah myself I have two answers to where the Rabbis stood on this :
The first one being the Rabbis did recognize gender nuance.If any two rabbis could be called allies to those who were gender nuanced it was Rabbi Yochanon and Reish Lekesh one just need to do a Sefaria search to see that these two recognized those who were gender nuanced within their society at the time as is held in their opinion of the first Adam within the Midrash where they say Adam to begin with was a being that held within them both the fem and masculine and that each and every one of us as human beings today hold similar .
I think the rabbis in recognizing Adam as such were saying that we all come from the same source and in coming from that same source we will not be able to avoid the mixing of the masculine and the feminine but gender nuance itself is very much a part of each and every human being's identity.
the other answer to that the rabbis give to those who are gender nuanced within our society is that we as individuals are never told to forsake our identity ,who we are as individuals . The Rambam says within the Mishneh Torah those who lie don't have a share in the world to come. As Jews whether we be gay ,straight,non-binary etc... are told to be honest in all are dealings before others save for if life is at risk . A Part of that honesty I feel comes in our gender identity and living into greater who we are as human beings .Sadly many in our world are asked to lie and it comes with much pain but real tikkun(Healing/Repair) can happen by recognizing a person honestly for who they are I believe save for if they were a true Rasha(Wicked Person) of which I think the world has few of them.
We cannot allow I think women to not have their fair share when it comes to equity in our society nor can we allow a blind eye to continue to be given to the Transgender people of color who are killed every other month. We just cannot and our own Jewish narrative calls us to make issues of human rights paramount to our existence.
There is no easy answer to the sexism just that we must recognize it even more so and start creating inroads for equity where there is none .
To close I would like to share with you all a version of the Hashkivenu I wrote that reimagines G-d as the Mother Bird of which we all I think are comforted under the wings of yet at times taken away from because of our own bias and the biases of others which affect us.
Hashkiveinu: God As Mother Bird
Hashkivenu, adonai eloheinu l'shalom, v'ha'amideinu malkeinu l'hayyim, ufros aleinusukkat sh'lomekha
Dear Eternal Source of Life, Our Mother dear, leader in our lives, bring us your children into your nest of peace
V'takneinu b'eitzah tovah milfenekha, V'hoshi'einu l'ma'an sh'mekha.
Sing to us, cause us to dance to your words of unity amidst all the divisions we have experienced in our lives. Let your rhapsody become our song of hope witnessing to the universality of your name.
V'hagvein ba'adeinu, v'haseir meilanu oyeiv, dever, v'herev, v'ra'av, v'gayon, v'harkheik mimeinu avon vafesha. Uv'tzeil k'nafecha tasreinu...
Let us feel the comfort of your wings, let them remind us that all our trials, our fears, our worries, our concerns dissolve in your presence because we are all a part of something greater than ourselves....You.
Ki el shomreinu u'matzileinu atah, ki el hanun v'rakhum atah.
For you have watched us grow throughout all generations. You have liberated us from any tyranny that has arisen and shown us an abounding love despite our many shotcomings.
U'shmor tzeiteinu u'vo'einu l'hayyim u'l'shalom, me'atah v'ad olam.
Protect us as we leave you and return to you, looking to you as life and peace forevermore.
Weekday Closing
Nevarekh et eyn hayyim hey ha'olamim, shomeir amo Yisrael laad.
Let us bless that source of all, the exuberant life held within every sphere of being waiting to be experienced, and preserver of all who all struggle with the questions of life.
Shabbat Closing
Nevarekh et eyn hayyim hey ha'olamim, haporeis sukkat shalom aleinu v'al kol amo Yisrael v'al Yerushalayim
Let us bless that source of life, the exuberant life held within every sphere of being that is waiting to be experienced, calling us to our unanswered questions and to a universal harmmony called Zion.