למדנו, שאחת משלוש החובות (מהתורה) של האיש כלפי אשתו היא חובת העונה: קיום יחסי- אישוּת ("שארה, כסותה ועונתה לא יגרע"). העונה אינה זהה עם מצוות "פרו ורבו", אלא נתפסת כזכות בסיסית- גופנית ורגשית - של האישה, כמו מזון וכסות.
הַמַּדִּיר אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ מִתַּשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה,
בֵּית שַׁמַּאי אוֹמְרִים, שְׁתֵּי שַׁבָּתוֹת.
בֵּית הִלֵּל אוֹמְרִים, שַׁבָּת אֶחָת.
הַתַּלְמִידִים יוֹצְאִין לְתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה שֶׁלֹּא בִרְשׁוּת, שְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם.
הַפּוֹעֲלִים, שַׁבָּת אֶחָת.
הָעוֹנָה הָאֲמוּרָה בַתּוֹרָה:
הַטַּיָּלִין- בְּכָל יוֹם.
הַפּוֹעֲלִים- שְׁתַּיִם בַּשַּׁבָּת.
הַחַמָּרִים- אַחַת בַּשַּׁבָּת.
הַגַּמָּלִים- אַחַת לִשְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם.
הַסַּפָּנִים- אַחַת לְשִׁשָּׁה חֳדָשִׁים,
דִּבְרֵי רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר:
(6) One who, by vow, interdicts his wife from intercourse, Beit Shammai say, [she must wait] two weeks. Beit Hillel say one week. Students who leave for the purpose of studying Torah without the consent of their wives [have] thirty days; laborers, one week. [The law of providing sexual] pleasure [to one's wife] that is stated in the Torah [is as follows]: one at leisure, daily; laborers, twice a week; donkey drivers, once a week; camel drivers, once every thirty days; navigators every six months; these are the words of Rabbi Eliezer.
ביאור:
המשנה עוסקת בשאלה: באיזו תדירות נדרש הבעל לקיים יחסי מין עם אשתו, כדי לקיים את מצוות העונה.
מי שנודר נדר (אוסר על עצמו בנדר) שלא לקיים עם אשתו יחסי-מין.
בית שמאי: מותר לעשות זאת עד לפרק זמן של שבועיים: אם היה הנדר מוגבל לשני שבועות, או פחות, תמתין האישה עד שיסתיים האיסור, ואין לה הזכות לתבוע ממנו לגרשה ולתת לה כתובה. אם הוא עומד בנדרו מעבר לכך, יגרשנה וייתן לה כתובתה.
בית הלל: שבוע אחד הוא התקופה הממושכת ביותר שמותר לבעל להדיר את אשתו.
תלמידי-חכמים (נשואים) רשאים לצאת ללימודים במקום רחוק ללא הסכמת נשותיהן, עד 30 יום בלבד.
הפועלים- העובדים בעיר מרוחקת רשאים לצאת לעבודתם שלא ברשות נשיהם, למשך לא יותר משבוע ימים.
הטיילין- הרמב"ם מפרש: "הבטלנים המעונגים שאינם עוסקין במסחר ולא עובדים".- חייבים בעונה כל יום.
הפועלים – העובדים קרוב, פעמים בשבוע.
החמרים- המוליכים סחורה בחמוריהם למקומות סמוכים
הגמלים- מובילים סחורות על גמלים, למקומות רחוקים.
הספנים- מפליגים בים.
כל פרקי-הזמן האלה הם לשיטתו של רבי אליעזר.
והפועלים שתים בשבת:
והתניא: הפועלים אחת בשבת
אמר רבי יוסי ברבי חנינא: לא קשיא כאן בעושין מלאכה בעירן
כאן בעושין מלאכה בעיר אחרת
תניא נמי הכי:
הפועלים שתים בשבת במה דברים אמורים בעושין מלאכה בעירן
אבל בעושין מלאכה בעיר אחרת אחת בשבת:
The Gemara explains its query: Although a man can legally make any agreement with his wife to limit her conjugal rights, how much is an acceptable manner for this matter? Rav said: The husband may spend a month here, in the study hall, and then must spend a month at home. The allusion to this is as it is stated with regard to reserve units serving in King David’s army: “In any matter of the courses, which came in and went out month by month throughout all the months of the year” (I Chronicles 27:1). And Rabbi Yoḥanan said: He may spend one month here, in the study hall, and then two months in his home, as it is stated with regard to workers who worked in the construction of the Temple: “A month they were in Lebanon, and two months at home” (I Kings 5:28). The Gemara asks: And what is the reason that Rav did not also say a proof from that source that Rabbi Yoḥanan quoted? The Gemara answers: The construction of the Temple is different, since it is possible for this work to be performed by others, as there were many people involved in it, but with regard to Torah study, which cannot be performed by others, he is given permission to spend a month here and a month there. The Gemara further questions: And what is the reason that Rabbi Yoḥanan did not say a proof from that source that Rav quoted? The Gemara answers: There, with regard to King David, it is different, since he gains profit from working for the king; since there is profit involved, his wife might be willing to forgo his staying with her. However, in general a woman wants her husband to spend most of his time at home, so with regard to Torah study, where there is no monetary profit, she will not waive her right for as long. § Apropos a dispute between Rav and Rabbi Yoḥanan with regard to the construction of the Temple, the Gemara cites another dispute between them. Rav said: Groaning breaks half of a person’s body, as it is stated: “Groan, therefore, you son of man, with the breaking of your loins, groan so bitterly” (Ezekiel 21:11), which indicates that groaning breaks half of a one’s body, down to his loins. And Rabbi Yoḥanan said that groaning breaks even a person’s entire body, as it is stated: “And it shall be, when they say to you: Why are you groaning? That you shall say: Due to the tiding, for it comes, and every heart shall melt, and all hands shall be slack, and every spirit shall be faint, and all knees shall drip with water” (Ezekiel 21:12). The Gemara asks: And why doesn’t Rabbi Yoḥanan also say that it breaks half of one’s body? Isn’t it written: “With the breaking of your loins,” implying that it does not break the entire body? The Gemara answers: This does not mean that the breakage only reaches the loins, but rather that when the sigh begins to affect a person, it begins from his loins. The Gemara asks: And why doesn’t Rav also say that it breaks the entire body? Isn’t it written: “And every heart shall melt, and all hands shall be slack, and every spirit shall be faint,” which indicates that groaning causes the entire body to break? The Gemara answers: The news with regard to the destruction of the Temple is different, as it is extremely crushing and causes great anguish, but in general a sigh causes only half of the body to break. It is related that a certain Jew and a gentile were walking along the road together. The gentile could not keep up with the Jew, who was walking faster, and he therefore reminded him of the destruction of the Temple in order to make the Jew feel sorrowful and slow down. The Jew sighed and groaned, but even so the gentile could not keep up with him, as the Jew was still walking faster. The gentile said to him: Don’t you say that groaning breaks half of a person’s body? Why didn’t it affect you? He said to him: This applies only with regard to a new sorrowful affair, but this, from which we have suffered repeatedly and to which we have become accustomed, does not affect us as much, as people say: One who is used to being bereaved of her children does not panic [bahata] when one of them dies, and similarly, one who is used to a tragedy is not as devastated when being reminded of it. § The mishna said that men of leisure must engage in marital relations with their wives every day. The Gemara asks: What is meant by the term men of leisure? Rava said: These are students of Torah who go daily to review their lectures at a local study hall and return home each evening. Abaye said to him: Wives of Torah scholars are those about whom it is written: “It is vain for you to rise early and sit up late, you that eat the bread of toil, so He gives to His beloved in sleep” (Psalms 127:2), and Rabbi Yitzḥak said in explanation of this verse: These are the wives of Torah scholars who deprive their eyes of sleep in this world and reach the life of the World-to-Come. This indicates that Torah scholars exert themselves greatly in their studies and are not home in the evenings, and you say that the students reviewing their lectures are men of leisure, whose wives have conjugal rights for every night? Rather, Abaye said: The mishna should be explained in accordance with the opinion of Rav, as Rav said: This is referring to a man such as Rabbi Shmuel bar Sheilat, who ate his own food, drank his own drinks, slept in the shade of his own house, and the king’s tax collector [peristaka] did not pass by his door, as they did not know that he was a man of means. A man like this, who has a steady income and no worries, is called a man of leisure. When Ravin came from Eretz Yisrael he said: For example, the wealthy, pampered men in the West, Eretz Yisrael, are called men of leisure. Due to the time they have available and the richness of their diet, they have the ability to satisfy their wives every night. To illustrate this point, the Gemara relates two incidents demonstrating the health and strength of the inhabitants of Eretz Yisrael: Rabbi Abbahu was once standing in the bathhouse and two slaves were supporting his walking. The bathhouse collapsed under him and was destroyed. He found a pillar, stood on it and got out, and pulled them both up with him. Similarly, Rabbi Yoḥanan was once going up stairs, and Rav Ami and Rav Asi were supporting him. The stair collapsed under him, but he went up and pulled them both up with him. The Sages said to him: Since it is clear that you are so strong, why do you need people to support you? He said to them: If so, if I were to expend all my strength now, what will I leave for myself in my old age? § The mishna said: The set interval for laborers to fulfill their conjugal obligations to their wives is twice a week. The Gemara asks: Isn’t it taught in a baraita: For laborers, once a week? Rabbi Yosei, son of Rabbi Ḥanina, said: This is not difficult: Here, the case is where they work in their own city. There, the case is where they work in another city. This is also taught in the Tosefta (5:6): For laborers, twice a week. In what case is this statement said? It is when they work in their own city, but when they work in another city, the set interval for their conjugal obligations is once a week. § The mishna said: The set interval for donkey drivers is once a week, and for other professions it is even less frequent. Rabba bar Rav Ḥanan said to Abaye: Did the tanna go to all that trouble just to teach us the halakha for a man of leisure and for a laborer? According to the set intervals given for conjugal obligations, it seems that the halakha that one who vowed to prohibit his wife from conjugal relations for longer than a week must divorce her is referring only to a man of leisure or a laborer, whose set interval for conjugal relations is less than that period. However, for other people, whose set interval is once a month or even less frequent, there should be no need to divorce the wife, since the vow does not deprive her of conjugal rights for longer than she would have been deprived anyway. He said to him: No,
ביאור:
שנינו במשנה:
והפועלים עונתם שתים [פעמיים] בשבת (בשבוע).
ומקשים:והתניא [והרי שנינו בברייתא]:
הפועלים עונתם אחת בשבת!
אמר ר' יוסי בר' חנינא: לא קשיא [אין זה קשה]:
כאן במשנה שאמרנו שעונת הפועלים פעמיים בשבוע, הרי זה בעושין מלאכה בעירן,
כאן בברייתא שאמרנו שעונתם פעם בשבוע, הרי זה בעושין מלאכה בעיר אחרת.
תניא נמי הכי [שנויה ברייתא גם כן כך] כדבריו: הפועלים עונתם שתים בשבת,
במה דברים אמורים — בעושין מלאכה בעירן,
אבל בעושין מלאכה בעיר אחרת - עונתם אחת בשבת.
עיון ודיון
1. א. מהו נושא המחלוקת במשנה, בין בית הלל ובית שמאי?
ב. הציגו את עמדת הצדדים במחלוקת.
2. מה פירוש הביטוי "יוצאין.. שלא ברשות"? הסבירו!
3. נסו לנסח כלל משפטי הקושר בין עיסוקו של האיש לבין תדירות חובת העונה.
4. התלמוד מקשה על המשנה: "והתניא: הפועלים אחת בשבת".
א. מהו הקושי? מהו הביטוי התלמודי המלמד על קושי?
ב. "לא קשיא" – הסבירו את הביטוי. מה תפקידו בדיון התלמודי?
5. מה ההבדל בין פועל העובד בעירו לבין פועל העובד בעיר אחרת (מבחינת חובת
העונה)?
עונה של תלמידי חכמים אימת?
אמר רב יהודה אמר שמואל
מערב שבת לערב שבת
"אשר פריו יתן בעתו" (תהלים א, ג) –
אמר רב יהודה,ואיתימא רב הונא, ואיתימא רב נחמן:
זה המשמש מטתו מערב שבת לערב שבת
יהודה בריה דרבי חייא, חתניה דרבי ינאי
הוה אזיל ויתיב בבי רב
וכל בי שמשי הוה אתי לביתיה.
וכי הוה אתי, הוה קא חזי קמיה עמודא דנורא.
יומא חד משכתיה שמעתא.
כיון דלא חזי ההוא סימנא,
אמר להו רבי ינאי: כפו מטתו,
שאילמלי יהודה קיים לא ביטל עונתו.
הואי "כשגגה שיוצא מלפני השליט" (קהלת י ה)
ונח נפשיה.
the tanna taught us a halakha with regard to all of them, not only a man of leisure or a laborer. He asked him: But with regard to a sailor it said that the set interval for conjugal relations is six months; why, then, should he have to divorce her if he vowed to forbid these relations for only a week? He answered him: It is well known that one who has bread in his basket is not comparable to one who does not have bread in his basket. On a fast day, one who does not have bread available in his basket suffers more than one who does have bread available and knows that he will be able to eat later. In this case as well, when a woman knows that marital relations are forbidden to her due to a vow, her suffering from waiting for her husband to return is increased. Rabba bar Rav Hanan said to Abaye: If a donkey driver who is already married wants to become a camel driver, what is the halakha? Is he permitted to change his profession in order to earn more money from his work, even though this will mean he reduces the frequency with which he engages in conjugal relations with his wife? He answered him: A woman prefers a kav, i.e., modest means, with conjugal relations to ten kav with abstinence. Consequently, he is not allowed to change his profession without her permission. § The mishna stated: For sailors, the set interval for conjugal relations is once every six months. This is the statement of Rabbi Eliezer. Rav Berona said that Rav said: The halakha is in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Eliezer. Rav Adda bar Ahava said that Rav said: This is the statement of Rabbi Eliezer, but the Rabbis say: Students may leave their homes to study Torah for as long as two or three years without permission from their wives. Rava said: The Sages relied on Rabbi Adda bar Ahava’s opinion and performed an action like this themselves, but the results were sometimes fatal. This is as it is related about Rav Reḥumi, who would commonly study before Rava in Meḥoza: He was accustomed to come back to his home every year on the eve of Yom Kippur. One day he was particularly engrossed in the halakha he was studying, and so he remained in the study hall and did not go home. His wife was expecting him that day and continually said to herself: Now he is coming, now he is coming. But in the end, he did not come. She was distressed by this and a tear fell from her eye. At that exact moment, Rav Reḥumi was sitting on the roof. The roof collapsed under him and he died. This teaches how much one must be careful, as he was punished severely for causing anguish to his wife, even inadvertently. § When is the ideal time for Torah scholars to fulfill their conjugal obligations? Rav Yehuda said that Shmuel said: The appropriate time for them is from Shabbat eve to Shabbat eve, i.e., on Friday nights. Similarly, it is stated with regard to the verse “that brings forth its fruit in its season” (Psalms 1:3): Rav Yehuda said, and some say that it was Rav Huna, and some say that it was Rav Naḥman: This is referring to one who engages in marital relations, bringing forth his fruit, from Shabbat eve to Shabbat eve. It is related further that Yehuda, son of Rabbi Ḥiyya and son-in-law of Rabbi Yannai, would go and sit in the study hall, and every Shabbat eve at twilight he would come to his house. When he would come, Rabbi Yannai would see a pillar of fire preceding him due to his sanctity. One day he was engrossed in the halakha he was studying, and he stayed in the study hall and did not return home. When Rabbi Yannai did not see that sign preceding him, he said to the family: Turn his bed over, as one does at times of mourning, since he must have died, reasoning that if Yehuda were alive he would not have missed his set interval for conjugal relations and would certainly have come home. What he said became “like an error that proceeds from a ruler” (Ecclesiastes 10:5), and Yehuda, son of Rabbi Ḥiyya, died. It is related further that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi arranged for his son to marry a daughter of the household of Rabbi Ḥiyya. When he came to write the marriage contract, the girl died. Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi said: Is there, Heaven forbid, some disqualification in these families, as it appears that God prevented this match from taking place? They sat and looked into the families’ ancestry and found that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi was descended from Shefatya ben Avital, the wife of David, whereas Rabbi Ḥiyya was descended from Shimi, David’s brother. He went and arranged for his son to marry a daughter of the household of Rabbi Yosei ben Zimra. They agreed for him that they would support him for twelve years to go to study in the study hall. It was assumed that he would first go to study and afterward get married. They passed the girl in front of the groom and when he saw her he said: Let it be just six years. They passed her in front of him again and he said to them: I will marry her now and then go to study. He was then ashamed to see his father, as he thought he would reprimand him because when he saw the girl he desired her and could not wait. His father placated him and said to him: My son, you have your Maker’s perception, meaning you acted the same way that God does. The proof for this is that initially it is written: “You bring them and plant them in the mountain of Your inheritance, the place that You, O Lord, have made for You to dwell in” (Exodus 15:17), which indicates that God’s original intention was to build a Temple for the Jewish people after they had entered Eretz Yisrael. And ultimately it is written: “And let them make Me a Sanctuary, that I may dwell among them” (Exodus 25:8), i.e., even while they were still in the desert, which indicates that due to their closeness to God, they enjoyed greater affection and He therefore advanced what would originally have come later. After his wedding he went and sat for twelve years in the study hall. By the time he came back his wife had become infertile, as a consequence of spending many years without her husband. Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi said: What should we do? If he will divorce her, people will say: This poor woman waited and hoped for naught. If he will marry another woman to beget children, people will say: This one, who bears him children, is his wife and that one, who lives with him, is his mistress. Therefore, her husband pleaded with God to have mercy on her and she was cured. Rabbi Ḥananya ben Ḥakhinai went to the study hall at the end of Rabbi Shimon ben Yoḥai’s wedding feast. Rabbi Shimon said to him: Wait for me until I can come with you, after my days of celebration are over. However, since he wanted to learn Torah, he did not wait and went and sat for twelve years in the study hall. By the time he came back, all the paths of his city had changed and he did not know how to go to his home. He went and sat on the bank of the river and heard people calling to a certain girl: Daughter of Ḥakhinai, daughter of Ḥakhinai, fill your pitcher and come up. He said: I can conclude from this that this is our daughter, meaning his own daughter, whom he had not recognized after so many years. He followed her to his house. His wife was sitting and sifting flour. She lifted her eyes up, saw him and recognized him, and her heart fluttered with agitation and she passed away from the emotional stress. Rabbi Ḥananya said before God: Master of the universe, is this the reward of this poor woman? He pleaded for mercy for her and she lived. Rabbi Ḥama bar Bisa went and sat for twelve years in the study hall. When he came back to his house, he said: I will not do what the son of Ḥakhinai, who came home suddenly with tragic consequences for his wife, did. He went and sat in the study hall in his hometown, and sent a message to his house that he had arrived. While he was sitting there his son Rabbi Oshaya, whom he did not recognize, came and sat before him. Rabbi Oshaya asked him questions about halakha, and Rabbi Ḥama saw that the halakhot of Rabbi Oshaya were incisive, i.e., he was very sharp. Rabbi Ḥama was distressed and said: If I had been here and had taught my son I would have had a child like this. Rabbi Ḥama went in to his house and his son went in with him. Rabbi Ḥama then stood up before him to honor a Torah scholar, since he thought that he wanted to ask him a matter of halakha. His wife said to him: Is there a father who stands up before his son? The Gemara comments: Rami bar Ḥama read the verse about him: “A threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). This is referring to Rabbi Oshaya, son of Rabbi Ḥama bar Bisa, as he represented the third generation of Torah scholars in his family. The Gemara further relates: Rabbi Akiva was the shepherd of ben Kalba Savua, one of the wealthy residents of Jerusalem. The daughter of Ben Kalba Savua saw that he was humble and refined. She said to him: If I betroth myself to you, will you go to the study hall to learn Torah? He said to her: Yes. She became betrothed to him privately and sent him off to study. Her father heard this and became angry. He removed her from his house and took a vow prohibiting her from benefiting from his property. Rabbi Akiva went and sat for twelve years in the study hall. When he came back to his house he brought twelve thousand students with him, and as he approached he heard an old man saying to his wife: For how long
ביאור:
מבררים: עונה של תלמידי חכמים אימת [מתי]?
אמר רב יהודה אמר שמואל:
הזמן הראוי להם הוא מערב שבת לערב שבת.
ובדומה לזה נאמר על הכתוב "אשר פריו יתן בעתו"( תהלים א, ג)
אמר רב יהודה
ואיתימא [ויש אומרים] רב הונא, ואיתימא [ויש אומרים] רב נחמן:
זה המשמש מטתו (שאז עושה "פריו") מערב שבת לערב שבת.
ועוד מסופר: יהודה בריה [בנו] של ר' חייא, חתניה [חתנו] של ר' ינאי,
הוה אזיל ויתיב בבי [היה הולך ויושב בבית] הרב,
וכל בי שמשי [בין השמשות] של ערב שבת,
הוה אתי לביתיה [היה בא לביתו]
וכי הוה אתי, הוה קא חזי קמיה עמודא דנורא
[וכאשר היה בא, היה רואה ר' ינאי לפניו עמוד של אש] מפני קדושתו.
יומא חד משכתיה שמעתא [יום אחד משכה אותו הסוגיה]
ונשאר בבית הרב ולא הגיע הביתה.
כיון שלא חזי [ראה] ר' ינאי ההוא סימנא [את הסימן ההוא],
אמר להו [להם] ר' ינאי חותנו לבני המשפחה: כפו (היפכו) את מטתו,
כפי שעושים בזמן אבל, שבודאי מת.
שכן אילמלי (אילו) היה יהודה קיים (חי) לא ביטל עונתו,
ובודאי היה מגיע לביתו.
הואי [היה] הדבר הזה שאמר "כשגגה שיצא מלפני השליט" (קהלת י, ה) ונתקיים הדבר ונח נפשיה [ונפטר] יהודה בר' חייא.
איתימא: "אם תאמר" ,יש מי שאומר שהדברים הללו נאמרו ע"י חכם אחר.
רב יהודה- (בר יחזקאל)- אמוראי בבל (דור שני, מאות 2-3), מייסד ישיבת פומבדיתא.
תלמידם של רב ושמואל.
שמואל – מגדולי אמוראי בבל (דור ראשון, מאות 2-3). הגיע מארץ ישראל והקים את ישיבת סורא.
היה רופא ואסטרונום.
רב הונא- אמורא בבלי (דור שני, מאה 3). ראש ישיבת סורא. ואַב בית הדין.
רב נחמן- אמורא בבלי (מאות 2-3), עמד בראש ישיבת נהרדעא. היה דיין והתמחה בדיני ממונות.
רבי ינאי- אמורא ארץ-ישראלי (דור ראשון, תחילת המאה ה- 3). תלמידו של רבי יהודה הנשיא.
שימש כדיין בבית הדין בציפורי.
יהודה בנו של רבי חייא- אמורא בדור הראשון. עלה מבבל לארץ ישראל עם אביו ועם אחיו התאום, חזקיה.
עיון ודיון
1. נסו לשער: מדוע עונתם של תלמידי חכמים דווקא "מערב שבת לערב שבת"?
2. "אשר פריו יתן בעתו" (תהלים א, ג) – הסבירו את פשט הפסוק ואת הדרש שנלמד
ממנו.
3. רב יהודה בנו של רבי חייא נחשב, על פי המסורת, כתלמיד חכם הידוע בדבקותו
ללימוד ובמידותיו הטובות. האם תחילתו של הסיפור תואמת את המסורת הזאת?
4. "עמודא דנורא" (עמוד של אש) – דונו ונסו לשער: מהו תפקידו של דימוי זה בסיפור?
5. מה הסיק רבי ינאי כשראה שחתנו לא בא הביתה כהרגלו?
6. על פי סיפור זה- מדוע מת יהודה בנו של רבי חייא.
7. השוו בין סיפור זה לבין הסיפור אודות רב רחומי ואשתו (סוגיה 5). התייחסו לנקודות
הבאות: סיבת היציאה מן הבית, משך ההיעדרות, סיבת המוות, דמותה של האישה
ותפקידיה בעלילה.
פותחים סוגרים
אמר לו רבה בר רב חנן לאביי:
חמר ונעשה גמל מאי?
אמר לו רוצה אשה בקב ותיפלות מעשרה קבין ופרישות.
רש"י:
חמר ונעשה גמל מאי:
נישאת לו כשהוא חמר, מהו ליעשות גמל שלא ברשות?
הרווחה עדיפא לה שיתעשר, או עונה עדיפא לה?
אמר ליה: רוצה אשה בקב ותיפלות מעשרה קבין ופרישות-:
בקב ותיפלות - להיות בעלה עמה. מעשרה קבין - להתעשר.
the tanna taught us a halakha with regard to all of them, not only a man of leisure or a laborer. He asked him: But with regard to a sailor it said that the set interval for conjugal relations is six months; why, then, should he have to divorce her if he vowed to forbid these relations for only a week? He answered him: It is well known that one who has bread in his basket is not comparable to one who does not have bread in his basket. On a fast day, one who does not have bread available in his basket suffers more than one who does have bread available and knows that he will be able to eat later. In this case as well, when a woman knows that marital relations are forbidden to her due to a vow, her suffering from waiting for her husband to return is increased. Rabba bar Rav Hanan said to Abaye: If a donkey driver who is already married wants to become a camel driver, what is the halakha? Is he permitted to change his profession in order to earn more money from his work, even though this will mean he reduces the frequency with which he engages in conjugal relations with his wife? He answered him: A woman prefers a kav, i.e., modest means, with conjugal relations to ten kav with abstinence. Consequently, he is not allowed to change his profession without her permission. § The mishna stated: For sailors, the set interval for conjugal relations is once every six months. This is the statement of Rabbi Eliezer. Rav Berona said that Rav said: The halakha is in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Eliezer. Rav Adda bar Ahava said that Rav said: This is the statement of Rabbi Eliezer, but the Rabbis say: Students may leave their homes to study Torah for as long as two or three years without permission from their wives. Rava said: The Sages relied on Rabbi Adda bar Ahava’s opinion and performed an action like this themselves, but the results were sometimes fatal. This is as it is related about Rav Reḥumi, who would commonly study before Rava in Meḥoza: He was accustomed to come back to his home every year on the eve of Yom Kippur. One day he was particularly engrossed in the halakha he was studying, and so he remained in the study hall and did not go home. His wife was expecting him that day and continually said to herself: Now he is coming, now he is coming. But in the end, he did not come. She was distressed by this and a tear fell from her eye. At that exact moment, Rav Reḥumi was sitting on the roof. The roof collapsed under him and he died. This teaches how much one must be careful, as he was punished severely for causing anguish to his wife, even inadvertently. § When is the ideal time for Torah scholars to fulfill their conjugal obligations? Rav Yehuda said that Shmuel said: The appropriate time for them is from Shabbat eve to Shabbat eve, i.e., on Friday nights. Similarly, it is stated with regard to the verse “that brings forth its fruit in its season” (Psalms 1:3): Rav Yehuda said, and some say that it was Rav Huna, and some say that it was Rav Naḥman: This is referring to one who engages in marital relations, bringing forth his fruit, from Shabbat eve to Shabbat eve. It is related further that Yehuda, son of Rabbi Ḥiyya and son-in-law of Rabbi Yannai, would go and sit in the study hall, and every Shabbat eve at twilight he would come to his house. When he would come, Rabbi Yannai would see a pillar of fire preceding him due to his sanctity. One day he was engrossed in the halakha he was studying, and he stayed in the study hall and did not return home. When Rabbi Yannai did not see that sign preceding him, he said to the family: Turn his bed over, as one does at times of mourning, since he must have died, reasoning that if Yehuda were alive he would not have missed his set interval for conjugal relations and would certainly have come home. What he said became “like an error that proceeds from a ruler” (Ecclesiastes 10:5), and Yehuda, son of Rabbi Ḥiyya, died. It is related further that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi arranged for his son to marry a daughter of the household of Rabbi Ḥiyya. When he came to write the marriage contract, the girl died. Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi said: Is there, Heaven forbid, some disqualification in these families, as it appears that God prevented this match from taking place? They sat and looked into the families’ ancestry and found that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi was descended from Shefatya ben Avital, the wife of David, whereas Rabbi Ḥiyya was descended from Shimi, David’s brother. He went and arranged for his son to marry a daughter of the household of Rabbi Yosei ben Zimra. They agreed for him that they would support him for twelve years to go to study in the study hall. It was assumed that he would first go to study and afterward get married. They passed the girl in front of the groom and when he saw her he said: Let it be just six years. They passed her in front of him again and he said to them: I will marry her now and then go to study. He was then ashamed to see his father, as he thought he would reprimand him because when he saw the girl he desired her and could not wait. His father placated him and said to him: My son, you have your Maker’s perception, meaning you acted the same way that God does. The proof for this is that initially it is written: “You bring them and plant them in the mountain of Your inheritance, the place that You, O Lord, have made for You to dwell in” (Exodus 15:17), which indicates that God’s original intention was to build a Temple for the Jewish people after they had entered Eretz Yisrael. And ultimately it is written: “And let them make Me a Sanctuary, that I may dwell among them” (Exodus 25:8), i.e., even while they were still in the desert, which indicates that due to their closeness to God, they enjoyed greater affection and He therefore advanced what would originally have come later. After his wedding he went and sat for twelve years in the study hall. By the time he came back his wife had become infertile, as a consequence of spending many years without her husband. Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi said: What should we do? If he will divorce her, people will say: This poor woman waited and hoped for naught. If he will marry another woman to beget children, people will say: This one, who bears him children, is his wife and that one, who lives with him, is his mistress. Therefore, her husband pleaded with God to have mercy on her and she was cured. Rabbi Ḥananya ben Ḥakhinai went to the study hall at the end of Rabbi Shimon ben Yoḥai’s wedding feast. Rabbi Shimon said to him: Wait for me until I can come with you, after my days of celebration are over. However, since he wanted to learn Torah, he did not wait and went and sat for twelve years in the study hall. By the time he came back, all the paths of his city had changed and he did not know how to go to his home. He went and sat on the bank of the river and heard people calling to a certain girl: Daughter of Ḥakhinai, daughter of Ḥakhinai, fill your pitcher and come up. He said: I can conclude from this that this is our daughter, meaning his own daughter, whom he had not recognized after so many years. He followed her to his house. His wife was sitting and sifting flour. She lifted her eyes up, saw him and recognized him, and her heart fluttered with agitation and she passed away from the emotional stress. Rabbi Ḥananya said before God: Master of the universe, is this the reward of this poor woman? He pleaded for mercy for her and she lived. Rabbi Ḥama bar Bisa went and sat for twelve years in the study hall. When he came back to his house, he said: I will not do what the son of Ḥakhinai, who came home suddenly with tragic consequences for his wife, did. He went and sat in the study hall in his hometown, and sent a message to his house that he had arrived. While he was sitting there his son Rabbi Oshaya, whom he did not recognize, came and sat before him. Rabbi Oshaya asked him questions about halakha, and Rabbi Ḥama saw that the halakhot of Rabbi Oshaya were incisive, i.e., he was very sharp. Rabbi Ḥama was distressed and said: If I had been here and had taught my son I would have had a child like this. Rabbi Ḥama went in to his house and his son went in with him. Rabbi Ḥama then stood up before him to honor a Torah scholar, since he thought that he wanted to ask him a matter of halakha. His wife said to him: Is there a father who stands up before his son? The Gemara comments: Rami bar Ḥama read the verse about him: “A threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). This is referring to Rabbi Oshaya, son of Rabbi Ḥama bar Bisa, as he represented the third generation of Torah scholars in his family. The Gemara further relates: Rabbi Akiva was the shepherd of ben Kalba Savua, one of the wealthy residents of Jerusalem. The daughter of Ben Kalba Savua saw that he was humble and refined. She said to him: If I betroth myself to you, will you go to the study hall to learn Torah? He said to her: Yes. She became betrothed to him privately and sent him off to study. Her father heard this and became angry. He removed her from his house and took a vow prohibiting her from benefiting from his property. Rabbi Akiva went and sat for twelve years in the study hall. When he came back to his house he brought twelve thousand students with him, and as he approached he heard an old man saying to his wife: For how long
פותחים סוגרים
תלמוד בבלי מסכת קידושין דף פא עמוד ב
רבי חייא בר אשי הוה רגיל
כל עידן דהוה נפל לאפיה,
הוה אמר: הרחמן יצילנו מיצר הרע.
יומא חד שמעתינהו דביתהו,
אמרה: מכדי הא כמה שני דפריש ליה מינאי,
מאי טעמא קאמר הכי?
יומא חדא הוה קא גריס בגינתיה,
קשטה נפשה חלפה ותנייה קמיה.
אמר לה: מאן את?
אמרה: אנא חרותא דהדרי מיומא,
תבעה,
אמרה ליה: אייתי ניהליה
להך רומנא דריש צוציתא,
שוור אזל אתייה ניהלה.
כי אתא לביתיה, הוה קא שגרא דביתהו תנורא,
סליק וקא יתיב בגויה.
אמרה ליה: מאי האי?
אמר לה: הכי והכי הוה מעשה,
אמרה ליה: אנא הואי.
לא אשגח בה, עד דיהבה ליה סימני,
אמר לה: אנא מיהא לאיסורא איכווני.
כל ימיו של אותו צדיק היה מתענה,
עד שמת באותה מיתה.
Sit properly and do not act in a revolting manner. Satan then said to him: Give me a cup. They gave him a cup. He coughed up his phlegm and spat it into the cup. They berated him for acting this way, at which point Satan pretended to sink down and die. They heard people around them saying: Peleimu killed a man! Peleimu killed a man! Peleimu fled and hid himself in the bathroom. Satan followed him and fell before him. Upon seeing that Peleimu was suffering, he revealed himself to him. Satan said to him: What is the reason that you spoke this way, provoking me by saying: An arrow in the eye of Satan? He replied: But what then should I say? Satan said to him: Let the Master, i.e., Peleimu, say: Let the Merciful One rebuke the Satan. The Gemara relates: Rabbi Ḥiyya bar Ashi was accustomed to say, whenever he would fall on his face in prayer: May the Merciful One save us from the evil inclination. One day his wife heard him saying this prayer. She said: After all, it has been several years since he has withdrawn from engaging in intercourse with me due to his advanced years. What is the reason that he says this prayer, as there is no concern that he will engage in sinful sexual behavior? One day, while he was studying in his garden, she adorned herself and repeatedly walked past him. He said: Who are you? She said: I am Ḥaruta, a well-known prostitute, returning from my day at work. He propositioned her. She said to him: Give me that pomegranate from the top of the tree as payment. He leapt up, went, and brought it to her, and they engaged in intercourse. When he came home, his wife was lighting a fire in the oven. He went and sat inside it. She said to him: What is this? He said to her: Such and such an incident occurred; he told her that he engaged in intercourse with a prostitute. She said to him: It was I. He paid no attention to her, thinking she was merely trying to comfort him, until she gave him signs that it was indeed she. He said to her: I, in any event, intended to transgress. The Gemara relates: All the days of that righteous man he would fast for the transgression he intended to commit, until he died by that death in his misery. The Gemara explains the source that one who intended to transgress is punished even though he did not actually sin. As it is taught in a baraita concerning a husband who nullified the vow of his wife: “Her husband has made them null; and the Lord will forgive her” (Numbers 30:13). With regard to what case is the verse speaking? Why would the woman require forgiveness if her husband has nullified her vow? It is referring to a woman who vowed to be a nazirite, and her husband heard and nullified her vow. And she did not know that her husband had nullified her vow, and she drank wine and contracted impurity from a corpse, violating her presumed vow. The Gemara relates: When Rabbi Akiva came to this verse he would cry. He said: And if with regard to one who intended to eat pork, and kosher lamb came up in his hand, like this woman who intended to violate her vow but in fact did not, the Torah nevertheless says: She requires atonement and forgiveness, all the more so does one who intended to eat pork and pork came up in his hand require atonement and forgiveness. In a similar manner, you can say that the same lesson can be derived from the verse: “Though he know it not, yet is he guilty, and shall bear his iniquity” (Leviticus 5:17). When Rabbi Akiva came to this verse he would cry. He said: And if with regard to one who intended to eat permitted fat, and forbidden fat mistakenly came up in his hand, the Torah states: “Though he know it not, yet is he guilty, and shall bear his iniquity,” all the more so is this true for one who intended to eat forbidden fat and forbidden fat came up in his hand. Isi ben Yehuda says with regard to the verse “Though he know it not, yet is he guilty, and shall bear his iniquity”: With regard to this matter all sufferers shall grieve, since the verse teaches that one is punished even for sinning unawares. § The mishna teaches that a man may be secluded with his mother. Rav Yehuda says that Rav Asi says: A man may be secluded with his sister, and live with his mother or with his daughter in a permanent arrangement, without concern. When he said this before Shmuel, the latter said: It is prohibited to be secluded with all those with whom relations are forbidden by the Torah, and even with an animal, as it is prohibited to engage in intercourse with an animal as well. We learned in the mishna: A man may be secluded with his mother, and with his daughter, and sleep alongside them with bodily contact, and this appears to be a conclusive refutation of the statement of Shmuel. The Gemara answers: Shmuel could have said to you: And according to your reasoning, how should one explain that which is taught in a baraita: With regard to his sister, and his mother-in-law, and all those with whom relations are forbidden, including his mother and daughter, one may be secluded with them only in the presence of witnesses, from which it can be inferred: In the presence of witnesses, yes; without the presence of witnesses, no. This baraita supports the opinion of Shmuel that one may not be secluded with his mother or sister. Rather, it is a dispute between tanna’im as to whether one may be secluded with his mother or sister. As it is taught in a baraita: Rabbi Meir said: Be careful with me because of my daughter, i.e., make sure I am not left secluded with her. Similarly, Rabbi Tarfon said: Be careful with me because of my daughter-in-law. A certain student mocked him for being wary of the possibility of sinning with his daughter-in-law. Rabbi Abbahu said in the name of Rabbi Ḥanina ben Gamliel: Not many days passed until that student stumbled into sin with his mother-in-law. The Gemara stated that according to Shmuel it is prohibited for one to be alone even with an animal. The Gemara relates: Abaye removed the animals from the entire field he was in. Rav Sheshet transferred the animals to the other side of the fence. Rav Ḥanan from Neharde’a happened to come to Rav Kahana in Pum Nahara. He saw that he was sitting and studying, and an animal was standing before him. Rav Ḥanan said to him: Doesn’t the Master hold that one may not be secluded even with an animal? Rav Kahana said to him: It did not enter my mind that an animal was before me. Rava says: A man may be secluded with two sisters-in-law and with two rival wives, i.e., two women who share a husband; with a woman and her mother-in-law; and with a woman and her husband’s daughter. Since these women typically dislike each other, each fears that the other will publicize her sins, and they will be careful not to transgress. Similarly, a man may be secluded with a woman and a girl who knows the meaning of sexual intercourse, i.e., one who is old enough to understand the nature of intercourse, but is still young enough that she does not submit herself to intercourse, since she does not yet desire it. In such a situation, the woman is concerned that the child will reveal her behavior. § The mishna teaches that when one’s children have grown up, this one sleeps in his garment and that one sleeps in her garment, but they may share a bed. The Gemara asks: And how old must a child be to be considered grown up for the purposes of this halakha? Rav Adda bar Rav Azza says that Rav Asi says: A girl must reach the age of nine years and one day; a boy must reach the age of twelve years and one day. There are those who say: A girl must reach the age of twelve years and one day; a boy must reach the age of thirteen years and one day. And according to this and that, according to both opinions, the girl is considered a child until she has reached the stage of: “Your breasts were fashioned, and your hair was grown” (Ezekiel 16:7), meaning the onset of puberty. Rafram bar Pappa says that Rav Ḥisda says: They taught that a man may sleep in close proximity to his minor daughter only if she is not ashamed to stand naked before him, but if she is ashamed to stand naked before him, it is prohibited for him to sleep close to her, regardless of her age. What is the reason? It is that the inclination has a hold upon her, as otherwise she would not be ashamed. The Gemara relates: Rav Aḥa bar Abba arrived at the house of Rav Ḥisda, his son-in-law. He took his daughter’s daughter and placed her on his lap. Rav Ḥisda said to him: Doesn’t the Master think that she might already be betrothed? Rav Aḥa said to him: If that is true, you have transgressed the ruling of Rav, as Rav Yehuda says that Rav says, and some say it was said by Rabbi Elazar: It is prohibited for a man to betroth his daughter when she is a minor, until she grows up and says: I want to marry so-and-so, as otherwise she might reject the designated husband and ultimately sin by committing adultery. Rav Ḥisda replied: The Master has likewise transgressed the words of Shmuel. As Shmuel says: One may not make use of a woman, so how can you hold her on your lap? He said to him: I hold in accordance with another statement of Shmuel, as Shmuel says:
ביאור:
ר' חייא בר אשי הוה [היה] רגיל כל עידן דהוה נפל לאפיה
[כל זמן שהיה נופל על פניו] בתפילה הוה אמר [היה אומר]: הרחמן יצילנו מיצר הרע.
יומא חד שמעתינהו דביתהו [יום אחד שמעה אותו אשתו כשהתפלל כך]
אמרה: מכדי הא [הואיל והרי] כמה שני דפריש ליה מינאי [כמה שנים שפרש ממני] מחיי אישות בטענה שכבר אין לו כוח מחמת זיקנה, מאי טעמא קאמר הכי [מה טעם הוא אומר כך] ומתפלל להנצל מיצר הרע?
יומא חדא הוה קא גריס בגינתיה [יום אחד היה לומד בגינתו] קשטה נפשה חלפה ותנייה קמיה
[קישטה את עצמה וחלפה ושנתה וחזרה שוב לפניו].
אמר לה: מאן [מי] את?
אמרה: אנא חרותא דהדרי מיומא [אני חרותא (שם זונה אחת) שחוזרת מיום העבודה שלי].
תבעה [תבע אותה] לתשמיש.
אמרה ליה [לו]: אייתי ניהליה להך רומנא דריש צוציתא [הבא לי כשכרי את הרימון הזה שבראש העץ] .
שוור, אזל אתייה ניהלה [קפץ, הלך והביא אותו לה]
ובא עליה.
כי אתא לביתיה [כאשר בא לביתו]
הוה קא שגרא דביתהו תנורא
[היתה מסיקה אשתו את התנור],
סליק וקא יתיב בגויה [עלה וישב בתוכו].
אמרה ליה [לו] אשתו: מאי האי [מהו זה]?
אמר לה: הכי והכי הוה [כך וכך היה] מעשה, שהתפתתי לזנות.
אמרה ליה [לו]: אנא הואי [אני הייתי זו].
לא אשגח [השגיח] בה, שחשב שהיא מנחמת אותו לשוא
עד דיהבה ליה סימני [שנתנה לו סימנים] שהיתה זאת היא.
אמר לה: אנא מיהא לאיסורא איכווני [אני על כל פנים לאיסור התכוונתי].
ומספרים:כל ימיו של אותו צדיק היה מתענה על עבירה זו שעבר במחשבת איסור
עד שמת באותה מיתה מחמת הצער.