(ט) אָמַר לָהֶם, צְאוּ וּרְאוּ אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה שֶׁיִּדְבַּק בָּהּ הָאָדָם. רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר אוֹמֵר, עַיִן טוֹבָה... אָמַר לָהֶם צְאוּ וּרְאוּ אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ רָעָה שֶׁיִּתְרַחֵק מִמֶּנָּה הָאָדָם. רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר אוֹמֵר, עַיִן רָעָה.
(9) He said to them: Go out and see what is a straight path that a person should cling to. Rabbi Eliezer says: A good eye... He said to them: Go out and see what is an evil path that a person should distance himself from. Rabbi Eliezer says: A bad eye.
(כ) וַיָּ֥חֶל נֹ֖חַ אִ֣ישׁ הָֽאֲדָמָ֑ה וַיִּטַּ֖ע כָּֽרֶם׃ (כא) וַיֵּ֥שְׁתְּ מִן־הַיַּ֖יִן וַיִּשְׁכָּ֑ר וַיִּתְגַּ֖ל בְּת֥וֹךְ אָהֳלֹֽה׃ (כב) וַיַּ֗רְא חָ֚ם אֲבִ֣י כְנַ֔עַן אֵ֖ת עֶרְוַ֣ת אָבִ֑יו וַיַּגֵּ֥ד לִשְׁנֵֽי־אֶחָ֖יו בַּחֽוּץ׃ (כג) וַיִּקַּח֩ שֵׁ֨ם וָיֶ֜פֶת אֶת־הַשִּׂמְלָ֗ה וַיָּשִׂ֙ימוּ֙ עַל־שְׁכֶ֣ם שְׁנֵיהֶ֔ם וַיֵּֽלְכוּ֙ אֲחֹ֣רַנִּ֔ית וַיְכַסּ֕וּ אֵ֖ת עֶרְוַ֣ת אֲבִיהֶ֑ם וּפְנֵיהֶם֙ אֲחֹ֣רַנִּ֔ית וְעֶרְוַ֥ת אֲבִיהֶ֖ם לֹ֥א רָאֽוּ׃
(20) And Noah, the man of the land, began and planted a vineyard. (21) And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. (22) And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. (23) And Shem and Yaphet took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and their father’s nakednes the did not see
Two women were catching up with each other.
“Nu, how’s your daughter and her new husband?”
“Oh, he’s such a prince. He takes her out to dinner, lets her shop as much as she wants, and treats her like a princess.”
“And how’s your son and his new wife?”
“Oy, what a situation. She makes him order her dinner, spends all his money shopping, and expects to be treated like royalty.”
See what’s going on here? The implication is that the couples are exhibiting identical behavior, but due to perspective, there are two starkly different attitudes.
The Maharal makes a very poignant observation. Of the five basic senses – sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell – four are, for the most part, objective; they enable a person to perceive an object as it is. However, the sense of sight is subjective; a person sees things as he wishes to see them. The subjective nature of vision allows for the concept of ayin tova and ayin ra’a. The way in which we view the world is determined by an internal element. Generosity of vision or the lack thereof is not a physical matter at all - it is a question of the nature of the person doing the viewing. One person sees a cup as half-full, while another sees it as half-empty. The term for seeing in the Hebrew language, re’iya, sometimes means seeing and other times refers to understanding. Just as understanding is a power of the soul and mind, so too seeing is not a purely physical process; one sees based upon one’s inner understanding of the world.
Ayelet Shachar:
Having an ayin tovah also applies to oneself. For example, if I’m feeling frustrated with myself, I could view things negatively and focus on all the things I’m not doing right. This usually leads to a whole bunch of negative thinking: ”Wow, I’ve done it again. I’m never going to change, I’m just going to keep banging my head against this wall.” Obviously, these thoughts don’t lead to anything productive (except, perhaps, the consumption of chocolate).
However, if I am choosing to view things positively, my inner monologue will be totally different: ”Wow, I’ve done it again. But it wasn’t as bad this time, and it’s been a while since I made that same mistake. It’s frustrating to still have this behavior problem, but at least I can choose to change. And I did so many other good things today.” Much more productive, and there still may be some chocolate consumption. Win win.
Chana Cohen:
"Instead of worrying if others like me,I began to get myself to focus on liking THEM''
Judging Favorably
(יט) עַיִן טוֹבָה, וְרוּחַ נְמוּכָה, וְנֶפֶשׁ שְׁפָלָה, מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ. עַיִן רָעָה, וְרוּחַ גְּבוֹהָה, וְנֶפֶשׁ רְחָבָה, מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל בִּלְעָם הָרָשָׁע. מַה בֵּין תַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ לְתַלְמִידָיו שֶׁל בִּלְעָם הָרָשָׁע. תַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ, אוֹכְלִין בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה וְנוֹחֲלִין בָּעוֹלָם הַבָּא, ...אֲבָל תַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל בִּלְעָם הָרָשָׁע יוֹרְשִׁין גֵּיהִנָּם וְיוֹרְדִין לִבְאֵר שַׁחַת,
(19) One who has a good eye, a humble spirit and a small appetite -- is from the students of Abraham, our father. One who has an evil eye, a haughty spirit and a broad appetite - is from the students of Bilaam the evildoer. ...The students of Abraham, our father, eat in this world and possess the next world...But the students of Bilaam the evildoer inherit Gehinnom (Purgatory) and go down to the pit of destruction
Ayelet Shachar:
Part of ayin tova is to see past the present. A famous quote, often attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, states: “It takes a good deal of character to judge a person by his future instead of his past.” Avraham teaches us that one need not focus on the bad; instead, one may focus on the possibility of bringing about a marvelous future. This may be what allows Avraham to see good and potential even in the extremely wicked city of Sedom, which he beseeches God to spare.
Maharal explains that Rabbi Eliezer's ayin tova means that a person should look well upon others, wish them well and be happy in their successes. A good eye does not refer to the sharpness of one's sight, but the generosity of one's vision.
How do we do this?
Why does it say "ha'adam" instead of just “adam”? For when a man’s actions are judged, one cannot look at the one act in isolation; rather, his entire personality must be taken into account, his background and what he has gone through. This way we may realize that we would act similarly in his place
(ו) יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה וְנִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִי קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וּקְנֵה לְךָ חָבֵר, וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת:
(6) Yehoshua ben Perachiah and Nitai of Arbel received from them. Yehoshua ben Perachia says, "Make for yourself a mentor, acquire for yourself a friend and judge every person as meritorious."
Rabbi Nachman
(Likkutei Moharan 1:282):
Know that you must judge all people favorably. This applies even to the worst of people. You must search until you find some little bit of good in them. In that good place inside them, they are not bad! If you can just find this little bit of good and judge them favorably, you really can elevate them and swing the scales of judgment in their favor. This way you can bring them back to God… for by finding some little bit of good in them and judging them favorably, you genuinely raise them from guilt to merit... Understand this well.
Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berdychiv was walking with his students, when they came across a man who was fixing his carriage while wearing his tallit and tefillin. The Chasidim stopped in their tracks and called: “Rebbe! That Jew is fixing his cart in the middle of prayer!” Rav Levi Yitzchak lifted his hands to the heavens and said: “Master of the Universe, look at your dear child: even while fixing his cart, he prays!”
two ways to reframe:
1.The first is to reframe “bad” traits into a more positive format. Instead of viewing someone as careless, I could see them as laid-back or relaxed. Instead of seeing impulsiveness as a negative, I could see it as positive spontaneity, as someone being quick to act when action is needed, or when last-minute help is welcome. Stubborness could be reframed as dedication and determination.
2.The second approach I use, when reframing isn’t an option, is to look for the person’s strengths. Maybe someone is an incorrigible gossip, but is capable of doing tremendous acts of charity. Or maybe a person is flighty and unreliable, but is an exceptional listener. Instead of choosing to focus on the frustrating traits, I can concentrate on the positive, see the contributions this person is making to the world.
The Baal Shem Tov (Parashat Kedoshim 2) explains the danger in passing quick negative judgments. The behavior of others, he maintains, is like a mirror of our own. We only see actions that are connected to our own behavior, at least subtly. If so, when we pass negative judgment on others, we are actually convicting ourselves.
When one sees an evil person doing something reprehensible, committing a powerful sin, he should judge him favorably. He should assume that the sin was the result of being driven by an overwhelming urge or gross physicality, or that the sinner does not know the sin’s severity, etc. Through this, he saves himself from judgment. In reality, when a person sees another’s sin, he should realize that he has a similar fault, that there is an accusation and harsh judgment cast upon him. When he finds a merit in his friend’s behavior, he too will be considered meritorious…
This is really a great test. We have received the teaching that no verdict is made against a person unless he himself issues it. Now a person will certainly not rule negatively against himself; rather, Heaven shows him a man that commits some sin similar to the one he did and he passes judgment on it, thereby passing judgment on himself…
He should try and bring the other to repent with all his might and cleanse the other from the filth of his sin, realizing that the same fault lies within him. Concerning one’s self, one always finds merits; so he should find merits and loving-kindness in all of Israel. Their common denominator is that they are all righteous, all pure and all worthy of all of the blessings . . .
Essentially, being judgmental is dangerous, for by passing judgment on others we essentially convict ourselves of similar crimes that we perform when confronted by a similar situation.
A 30-year study of 447 people at the Mayo Clinic found that optimists had around a 50 percent lower risk of early death than pessimists. People with a positive attitude, quite simply, lived longer. They even had a 77 percent lower risk of heart disease than pessimists.
- I'm thankful for...
- Laundry - because it means that my family has clothes to wear.
- Dishes - because it means that my family has food to eat.
- Bills - because it means that we have financial provisions.
- Making Beds - because it means we have a warm, soft place to rest at night.
- The taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed.
- The clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.
- All the complaining I hear about our government because it means we have freedom of speech.
- The space I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.
- My huge heating bill because it means I am warm.
- The lady behind me in church [synagogue] who sings off key because it means that I can hear.
- Weariness and aching muscles because it means that I'm alive.
- Unknown