According to this, the women are mentioned first in the posuk. Why? At first glance, we might have assumed that the men should be mentioned first. After all, the basic purpose of the Torah is to teach us the mitzvos, the guidelines of how we are to lead our lives, and men have slightly more mitzvos than women, including the overarching mitzva of talmud Torah. Why, then, are the women mentioned first?
(ג) לבית יעקב. אֵלּוּ הַנָּשִׁים, תֹּאמַר לָהֶן בְּלָשׁוֹן רַכָּה (מכילתא):
(3) לבית יעקב TO THE HOUSE OF JACOB — This denotes the women — to them, you shall speak in a gentle language (Mekhilta d'Rabbi Yishmael 19:3).
Rav Moshe Feinstein ztz”l writes that the answer is that women play a more important role in the long term survival of the mesora, and that is why they are mentioned first. Rav Moshe arrives at this conclusion based on some basic principles of Torah hashkafa. First, Rav Moshe notes that the Torah was given only once and that it is supposed to last forever. Hashem will never again reveal himself to all of Am Yisroel as a nation at one time; there will never be a “take-two” of Matan Torah. This essential Torah hashkafa is alluded to in the Torah’s description of Matan Torah in Sefer Devarim.
(א) דָּ"אַ — ולא יסף לֹא הוֹסִיף לְהַרָאוֹת בְּאוֹתוֹ פוּמְבֵּי:
(1) Another explanation of ולא יסף: He did not again ever reveal himself with such publicity.
Hashem never again revealed Himself in such a public manner in front of all of Am Yisroel. In other words, there will never be another Matan Torah. There was one Matan Torah, which has to last forever.
If we want the Torah to last forever, “לדורי דורות,” and it’s only going to be given once, it follows that proper chinuch is crucial. There is no way that the single Matan Torah even can have a lasting impact if we don’t properly educate our children.
Rav Moshe further points out is that chinuch must start at a young age. If we allow our children to do as they please, “כעצת היצר,” until they are older, it will be impossible for most of them to be brought into the world of Torah and mitzvos. Imagine telling a child that he can do whatever he wants until he is sixteen. Then, when he turns sixteen, you buy him a car and tell him to drive to yeshiva. It won’t work! In fact, the gemara relates that at one time, the custom was for young boys to start studying Torah in a formal setting at the age of sixteen and seventeen, but when they would come to yeshiva, they would “kick their rebbis” and leave. Chinuch has to start at a younger age so the children can be trained in learning Torah and keeping mitzvos.
שבתחלה מי שיש לו אב מלמדו תורה מי שאין לו אב לא היה למד תורה מאי דרוש (דברים יא, יט) ולמדתם אותם ולמדתם אתם התקינו שיהו מושיבין מלמדי תינוקות בירושלים מאי דרוש (ישעיהו ב, ג) כי מציון תצא תורה ועדיין מי שיש לו אב היה מעלו ומלמדו מי שאין לו אב לא היה עולה ולמד התקינו שיהו מושיבין בכל פלך ופלך ומכניסין אותן כבן ט"ז כבן י"ז ומי שהיה רבו כועס עליו מבעיט בו ויצא עד שבא יהושע בן גמלא ותיקן שיהו מושיבין מלמדי תינוקות בכל מדינה ומדינה ובכל עיר ועיר ומכניסין אותן כבן שש כבן שבע
Initially, whoever had a father would have his father teach him Torah, and whoever did not have a father would not learn Torah at all. The Gemara explains: What verse did they interpret homiletically that allowed them to conduct themselves in this manner? They interpreted the verse that states: “And you shall teach them [otam] to your sons” (Deuteronomy 11:19), to mean: And you yourselves [atem] shall teach, i.e., you fathers shall teach your sons. When the Sages saw that not everyone was capable of teaching their children and Torah study was declining, they instituted an ordinance that teachers of children should be established in Jerusalem. The Gemara explains: What verse did they interpret homiletically that enabled them to do this? They interpreted the verse: “For Torah emerges from Zion” (Isaiah 2:3). But still, whoever had a father, his father ascended with him to Jerusalem and had him taught, but whoever did not have a father, he did not ascend and learn. Therefore, the Sages instituted an ordinance that teachers of children should be established in one city in each and every region [pelekh]. And they brought the students in at the age of sixteen and at the age of seventeen. But as the students were old and had not yet had any formal education, a student whose teacher grew angry at him would rebel against him and leave. It was impossible to hold the youths there against their will. This state of affairs continued until Yehoshua ben Gamla came and instituted an ordinance that teachers of children should be established in each and every province and in each and every town, and they would bring the children in to learn at the age of six and at the age of seven.
Finally, Rav Moshe notes that the responsibility for this crucial and indispensable early-age chinuch falls more on the women than on the men. In general, women are home more with their kids when they are little. They take care of more of their children’s physical needs. While they are taking care of those physical needs, the women have a crucial responsibility to train their children in Torah and mitzvos. Even after the young children go to school, when they are at home, they generally speak and spend more time with their mothers than with their fathers. When a child is trained in emuna in Hashem, learning Torah, and shimiras hamitzvos at a young age, the chance of that emuna continuing when he enters school and beyond is much greater.
Since the long term survival of the mesora depends on this early-age chinuch and the responsibility of this early-age chinuch rests more on the women than on the men, it follows that the responsibility for the long-term survival of the Torah rests more on the shoulders of the women than the men. It is for that reason that Hashem mentions the בית יעקב before the בני ישראל – to emphasize that the role of the women is more crucial.
The sefer Kol Ram elaborates on this idea. There, Rav Moshe is quoted as explaining that women have to know that their responsibility is to train their children “כי הם חיינו ואורך ימינו,” that the words of Torah are our lives and the length of our days. This is the essence of what a Jewish life is supposed to be about.
Another theme from the portion/parsha of the giving of the Torah/matan torah is the story about Moshe as a judge.
(ג) מן הבקר עד ערב. אֶפְשָׁר לוֹמַר כֵּן? אֶלָּא כָּל דַּיָּן שֶׁדָּן דִּין אֱמֶת לַאֲמִתּוֹ אֲפִלּוּ שָׁעָה אַחַת, מַעֲלֶה עָלָיו הַכָּתוּב כְּאִלּוּ עוֹסֵק בַּתּוֹרָה כָּל הַיּוֹם וּכְאִלּוּ נַעֲשֶׂה שֻׁתָּף לְהַקָּבָּ"ה בְּמַעֲשֵׂה בְרֵאשִׁית, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר בּוֹ וַיְהִי עֶרֶב וְגוֹ' (שבת י'):
(3) מן הבקר עד הערב FROM MORNING UNTO EVENING — Is it really possible to say so — that Moses sat the whole day long? But the explanation is that any judge who gives a rightful decision as truth demands it, even though he spends but one hour on it, Scripture accounts it to him as though he had occupied himself with the Torah the whole day long, and as though he became co-partner with the Holy One, blessed be He, in the work of the Creation of which it is stated, “It was evening and it was morning” (cf. Mekhilta d'Rabbi Yishmael 18:13; Shabbat 10a).
(ב) מן הבוקר עד הערב. פי' רש"י וכי אפשר לומר כן אלא לומר לך כו' אפילו שעה אחת מעלה עליו הכתוב כאילו עסק בתורה כל היום, וא"כ מהו זה שאמר יתרו וכל העם נצב עליך מן בקר עד ערב הרי באמת לא היה דן מבקר עד ערב אלא שמעלה עליו הכתוב כאילו היה דן כו' ... ועוד קשה שהפסוק אומר ויעמוד העם על משה. ויתרו אמר וכל העם נצב עליך למה הזכיר נצב במקום עמידה. וכאן הקדים לשון עמידה אל העם ויתרו הקדים העם אל לשון נצב. (ג) ונ"ל שלשון עמידה. שייך בעומדים לפני הדיינים קודם גמר דין כמ"ש (דברים יט יז) ועמדו ב' האנשים אשר להם הריב. ולשון נצב שייך אחר גמר דין שדרכם לעשות מריבה עם הדיין... אבל יתרו מדבר באותן דברי ריבות שעשו עם משה אחר גמר דין שאם היו מקבלים עליהם היו כצדיקים ולפי שקראו תגר על הדיין ע"כ קראם רשעים גם אחר גמר דין, לכך נאמר וכל העם נצב עליך כי מצד היותם רשעים ע"כ נצבו לריב כי כל איש טוב מקבל עליו הדין ואינו עושה מריבה עם הדיין ע"כ הקדים העם לנצב. (ד) ולהנחה זו לא שאל יתרו אל משה על אריכות זמן הדין כל היום, שהרי באמת לא היה דן כל היום כ"א זמן דיינים דהיינו ו' שעות אך שאלו על מה שראה שאחר גמר דין נצבו לריב עמו מן הבקר עד הערב כל היום קראו תגר עליו וחשב יתרו אולי משה עשה להם איזו דבר אשר בעבורו הם מריבים עמו וכ"ש וירא חותן משה את כל אשר הוא עושה לעם ראה והתבונן כה וכה בכל שאר הדברים אם יוכל למצוא איזו דבר אשר הוא עושה לעם שלא כהוגן ויחפש ולא מצא ולפיכך שאלו ויאמר מה הדבר הזה אשר אתה עושה לעם, כי רצה לידע אם הוא עושה לעם איזו דבר זולת המשפט ואחר שלא ענהו משה הבין מזה שודאי אינו עושה להם מאומה ואז חשב יתרו ודאי עבור המשפט הם מריבים עמו וכל היוצא חייב בדינו נצב לריב עמו ע"כ שאלו מדוע אתה יושב לבדך, כי אילו היה עמך דיינים רבים אז לא היה המתחייב יודע מי מחייבו ועל מי יצעק ומאחר שאתה יושב לבדך בסבה זו כל העם דהיינו הפחותים נצבים עליך לריב מבקר עד ערב.
(2) From morning onto evening. He quotes the explanation of Rashi as follows: it is possible to say, to tell you. Any judge who judges a case truthfully even for a short time of one hour is considered by the Torah to be involved in Torah the whole day. 1) Rashi clarified that one hour is equivalent to the entire day, implying that Moshe wasn't engaged in judgments all day. Why is Yitro coming and telling him the nation is standing up with you in judgment the entire day? 2) Another question is that the Torah says the nation stood (amad) up to Moshe. Yitro says the nation stood (nitzav) up against you. Why does Yitro switch to use the word nitzav (stand) if the Torah uses the word amad (also meaning stand)? (What is the textual difference between these two words?) (3) It states above the language of amadiah (standing). It is relevant to people who are standing (amad) before the judges before judgment. As it states (Deuteronomy 19:17) "Two men stood up (amad) (for judgment) because they had an argument." The wording of nitzav (stood) is relevant after a court case because their manner was to initiate an argument with the judge... But Yitro was speaking about the words of arguing that the defendants brought against Moshe after the judgment was decided. If they had accepted them (the final verdict) they would be considered righteous. Since they publically opposed the judge, because of this, they are called wicked after the verdict of the case. Therefore it says "The entire nation nitzav (stood) against you," because from that they were wicked, since they stood (nitzav) to argue. Because all good men accept upon themselves the verdict. They do not begin an argument with the judge, through coming forward as a nation to stand up (nitzav) (against them in judgment). (4) About this assumption, Yitro did not ask Moshe about his responsibility of time (encompassing) the entire day. Because in actuality, he did not judge the entire day. Like it says, the typical time (of judging) for judges was 6 hours. But it was asked about what did they (the defendant) see after the verdict (was announced) to stand up (nitzav) and argue with him from morning to evening all day opposing him. Yitro thought maybe Moshe did something to them, in return they were arguing with him. Like it is written, "and the father-in-law of Moshe saw everything he (Moshe) did to the nation." He (Yitro) saw and looked here and there in all of his actions if he (Yitro) was able to find anything improper that he (Moshe) did to the people. He (Yitro) searched and he (Yitro) didn't find (anything). Therefore, he (Yitro) asked him (Moshe) saying, "What action did you do to the nation?" because he (Yitro) wanted to know if he (Moshe) did something unpraiseworthy in judgment. After Moshe didn't answer him (Yitro). He (Yitro) understood that of course, he (Moshe) didn't do anything to them! Then Yitro thought of course after they finished the judgement they were arguing with him (Moshe). Especially, everyone who was convicted in the case nitzav (stood) to argue with him (Moshe). Therefore, he (Yitro) asked him (Moshe) why are you sitting alone? Because if the nation had many judges, then the one convicted wouldn't know who had convicted him and who to protest against. And since you're sitting alone, for this reason, the entire nation i.e. the lower ones and nitzavim (standing) against you from morning until evening.
(א) נבל תבל. כְּתַרְגּוּמוֹ, וּלְשׁוֹנוֹ לְשׁוֹן כְּמִישָׁה, פלייש"טרא בְּלַעַז, כְּמוֹ "וְהֶעָלֶה נָבֵל" (ירמיהו ח'), "כִּנְבֹל עָלֶה מִגֶּפֶן" (ישעיהו ל"ד), שֶׁהוּא כָמוּשׁ עַל יְדֵי חַמָּה וְעַל יְדֵי קֶרַח וְכֹחוֹ תָּשׁ וְנִלְאֶה: (ג) כי כבד ממך. כָּבְדּוֹ רַב יוֹתֵר מִכֹּחֶךָ:
(1) נבל תבל — Explain this as the Targum does: thou will certainly become weary. Its meaning expresses the idea of withering, old French flestre, just as. (Jeremiah 8:13) “and the leaf is withered (נבל)”; (Isaiah 34:4) “as withereth (כנבל) the leaf from off the vine” — the meaning being that it becomes shrivelled through the heat and through the frost, and so its strength diminishes and it becomes, as it were, weary, and falls from off the vine (מגפן). (3) כי כבד ממך FOR [THIS THING] IS TOO HEAVY FOR THEE — its weight is far more than thy strength can bear.
Yitro was very concerned that this job was much too great for Moshe alone, especially if he had to judge so many cases and then be fought against for his judgment afterward, the people who were nitzivim. Therefore, Yitro suggested adopting a system of courts which was famously adopted by our governments in a similar format. Having different levels of government would allow for a hierarchy of levels would take a certain case. The more important a case was the higher the level of judges who would take it. Thereby Moshe would have many fewer cases to deal with and wouldn't be as tired out. What can we learn from this?
If time read story about Chazon Ish.
Lesson: Since women have such a great and important responsibility in giving over Torah to their children, we must give to ourselves before we give to others. A person can only give to others if their needs are taken care of first. This can be explained with a mashal (parallel) of an airplane mask. The instructions say to first put it on yourself before helping your child. At any age of life, whether your family is asking you for something or you are in school and your friends are asking you for notes or to study with them. We need to take a break sometimes, it is crucial to re-charge regularly. Whether it is a walk, getting coffee with friends, a good Shabbat nap or going to a weekly yoga class, we MUST take care of our needs first. That way we can be the powerful guiding force helping those around us!