Midrash Tanchuma, Matot 1

אִיֹש כִּי יִדֹּר נֶדֶר לַה'. יְלַמְּדֵנוּ רַבֵּנוּ, כֵּיצַד קוֹנָמוֹת וּנְדָרִים. כָּךְ שָׁנוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ, קוֹנָם שֶׁאֵינִי יָשֵׁן, קוֹנָם שֶׁאֵינִי מְדַבֵּר, קוֹנָם שֶׁאֵינִי מְשַׁמְּשֵׁךְ, הֲרֵי הוּא בְּלֹא יָחֵל דְּבָרוֹ. שְׁבוּעָה שֶׁאֵינִי יָשֵׁן, שְׁבוּעָה שֶׁאֵינִי מְהַלֵּךְ, אָסוּר. חֹמֶר בִּשְׁבוּעוֹת מִבִּנְדָרִים, וּבִנְדָרִים מִבִּשְׁבוּעוֹת. כֵּיצַד, קוֹנָם שֶׁאֵינִי עוֹשֶׂה סֻכָּה, קוֹנָם שֶׁאֵינִי עוֹשֶׂה לוּלָב, קוֹנָם שֶׁאֵינִי נוֹטֵל תְּפִלִּין, בִּנְדָרִים, אָסוּר לַעֲשׂוֹתָן, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהֵם מִצְוָה. וּבִשְׁבוּעוֹת מֻתָּר, שֶׁאֵין נִשְׁבָּעִין לַעֲבֹר עַל הַמִּצְוֹת. אָמַר לָהֶם הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא לְיִשְׂרָאֵל, הֱווּ זְהִירִין בִּנְדָרִים וְאֶל תִּפְרְצוּ בָּהֶן. שֶׁכָּל הַפּוֹרֵץ בָּהֶם, סוֹפוֹ לִמְעֹל בִּשְׁבוּעוֹת. וְהַמּוֹעֵל בִּשְׁבוּעוֹת, כּוֹפֵר בּוֹ בְּהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא וְאֵין לוֹ מְחִלָּה בָּעוֹלָם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: כִּי לֹא יְנַקֶּה ה' וְגוֹ' (שמות כ, ז). וְכָתוּב אֶחָד אוֹמֵר, וְנִשְׁבַּעְתָּ חַי ה' וְגוֹ' (ירמיה ד, ב). אָמַר לָהֶם הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא לְיִשְׂרָאֵל, לֹא תִּהְיוּ סְבוּרִין שֶׁהֻתַּר לְהִשָּׁבַע בִּשְׁמִי. אֲפִלּוּ בֶּאֱמֶת אֵין אַתֶּם רַשָּׁאִים לְהִשָּׁבַע בִּשְׁמִי אֶלָּא אִם יֵשׁ בָּכֶם כָּל הַמִּדּוֹת הָאֵלּוּ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: אֶת ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ תִּירָא וְאוֹתוֹ תַּעֲבֹד וּבוֹ תִּדְבַּק (דברים י, כ). וְשֶׁתִּהְיוּ כְּאוֹתָן שְׁלֹשָה שֶׁנִּקְרְאוּ יִרְאֵי אֱלֹהִים, וְאֵלּוּ הֵן, אַבְרָהָם אִיּוֹב וְיוֹסֵף. אַבְרָהָם, דִּכְתִיב: כִּי עַתָּה יָדַעְתִּי כִּי יְרֵא וְגוֹ' (בראשית כב, יב). אִיּוֹב, דִּכְתִיב: אִישׁ תָּם וְגוֹ' (איוב א, ח). יוֹסֵף, דִּכְתִיב: אֶת הָאֱלֹהִים אֲנִי יָרֵא (בראשית מב, יח). הֱוֵי, אֶת ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ תִּירָא וְאוֹתוֹ תַּעֲבֹד. אִם אַתָּה מַפְנֶה אֶת עַצְמְךָ לַתּוֹרָה וְלַמִּצְוֹת וְאֵין לְךָ עֲבוֹדָה אַחֶרֶת, לְכָךְ נֶאֱמַר: וְאוֹתוֹ תַּעֲבֹד. וּבוֹ תִּדְבַּק. וְכִי יָכֹל לְהִדָּבֵק בַּשְּׁכִינָה. וַהֲלֹא כְּבָר נֶאֱמַר, כִּי ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ אֵשׁ אֹכְלָה וְגוֹ' (דברים ד, כד). אֶלָּא לוֹמַר לְךָ, כָּל הַמַּשִּׂיא אֶת בִּתּוֹ לְתַלְמִיד חָכָם שֶׁקּוֹרֵא וְשׁוֹנֶה, וְהָעוֹשֶׂה לוֹ פְּרַקְמַטְיָא וּמְהַנֵּהוּ מִנְּכָסָיו, זֶה הוּא שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר עָלָיו: וּבוֹ תִּדְבַּק. אִם יֵשׁ בְּךָ כָּל הַמִּדּוֹת הָאֵלּוּ, אַתָּה רַשַּׁאי לְהִשָּׁבַע. וְאִם לָאו, אֵין אַתָּה רַשַּׁאי. מַעֲשֶׂה בְּהַר הַמֶּלֶךְ שֶׁהָיוּ לוֹ שְׁנֵי אֲלָפִים עֲיָרוֹת וְכֻלָּם נֶחְרְבוּ עַל שְׁבוּעַת אֱמֶת. בֵּין אִישׁ לְאִשְׁתּוֹ בֵּין אָב לְבִתּוֹ. מַה בַּעַל אֵינוֹ מֵפֵר אֶלָּא נְדָרִים שֶׁל עִנּוּי נֶפֶשׁ וּדְבָרִים שֶׁבֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ, כָּךְ הָאָב אֵינוֹ מֵפֵר אֶלָּא עַל עִנּוּי נֶפֶשׁ וְשֶׁבֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ. (Numb. 30:3:) “When someone makes a vow (neder) to the Lord.” Let our master instruct us: How are konamot (i.e., vows of abstinence) and vows (nedarim)? Thus have our masters taught (in Ned. 2:1): [If one makes] a konam (i.e., a vow of absitinence) [that he will not sleep, that he will not speak; [if he utters a konam to his wife] “that I will not have marital relations with you,” such a one is liable to [the injunction] (in Numb. 30:3), “he shall not break his word.” [If he swears] an oath (shevu'ah)] that he will not sleep, that he will not walk, he is forbidden [to do so].¹Cf. Ned. 2:2-5; Ned. 13b, 14b-15a; 20a; yNed. 2:2-5 (37b-6); above, Lev. 1:16. Oaths (shevu'ot) carry more weight than vows (nedarim); and vows, than oaths. How so? [if one makes] a konam not to make a sukkah, not to take up a lulab, not to put on phylacteries, in the case of vows (nedarim) it is forbidden to put them on or to make them, even though they are commandments (of the Torah); but in the case of oaths (shevu'ot) it is permitted, because one does not swear to transgress against the commandments. The Holy One, blessed be He, said to Israel, “Be circumspect with your vows (nedarim) and do not break them; for all who break vows (nedarim) end up in being faithless in oaths (shevu'ot).” And the one who is faithless in oaths is denying the Holy One, blessed be He through it and will never have forgiveness, as stated (in Exod. 20:7 = Deut. 5:11), “for the Lord will not exonerate [one who takes His name in vain].” [Yet] it is also written (in Jer. 4:2), “And you shall swear, ‘As the Lord lives,’ [in truth, in justice, and in righteousness].” The Holy One, blessed be He, said to Israel, “Do not think that you have permission to swear in My name even in truth.²Numb. R. 22:1. You are not entitled to swear by My name unless you possess all the following attributes (of Deut. 10:20), “The Lord your God you shall fear, Him you shall serve, to Him you shall hold fast, [and by Him you shall swear]”: That you should be like those three who were called God-fearing, Abraham, Job, and Joseph: Abraham of whom it is written (in Gen. 22:12), “For now I know that you fear [God].” Concerning Job it is written (in Job 1:1), “the man was blameless [and upright, one who feared God].” Concerning Joseph it is written (in Gen. 42:18), “for I fear God.” Ergo (in Deut. 10:20), “The Lord your God you shall fear.” (Deut. 10:20, cont.:) “Him you shall serve.” [You do so,] if you turn [all] your attention to the Torah, fulfill [its] commandments and have no other work (abodah). It therefore is stated (ibid.), “Him you shall serve (rt.: 'bd).” (Deut. 10:20, cont.:) “To Him you shall hold fast.” Can one hold fast to the Divine Presence? Moreover, has it not already been stated (in Deut. 4:24), “For the Lord your God is a consuming fire?” It is simply [being stated with reference to] anyone marrying off his daughter to a scholar who reads [Scripture] and recites [Mishnah], that he engage in commerce³Gk.: pragmateia. for him and have him benefit from his assets.⁴Ket. 111b; cf. Sot. 14a. It is with reference to [such a] one that it is stated (in Deut. 10:20), “to him you shall hold fast.”
If you have all these [attributes] you may swear; if not, you are not entitled to swear. There is a story about King [Jannai], that he had two thousand towns and they all were destroyed because of a true oath. (Numbers 30:17:) “Between a man and his wife, between a father and his daughter.” Just like a man only annuls vows of self-affliction and matters between him and her, so too a father only annuls with regards to self-affliction and what is between him and her.