1. I saw a bit of red on toilet paper and none on my underwear. What do I do?
This situation is a matter of debate. On the one hand, toilet paper is not susceptible to ritual impurity, and thus a stain would be permitted. This is particularly true if it she wiped the entire genital-rectal area and not just the vaginal outlet.1Igrot Moshe, YD 4:17[16]. On the other hand, some authorities feel that a stain that comes from wiping the genital area cannot be treated with the leniencies of a stain on clothing, as it is obviously from her body,2Shulchan Aruch Harav, comment on the end of YD 183. among other considerations.3Badei Hashulchan 190:107. Therefore a woman should consult with her rabbi as to what to do in this situation. She should NOT do an internal bedikah as this will not help her and a problematic color on a bedikah cloth is likely to make her niddah.
It is important to point out that this is a situation that can be avoided. There is no obligation to examine the toilet paper.4Igrot Moshe, YD 4:17[28]. Also see Shiurei Shevet Halevi, 191:20. If one cannot avoid doing so, one should wait at least 10 seconds before wiping to avoid the stringencies that accompany stains found immediately after urination. Also, there is no need for white toilet paper, even during the seven blood-free days. Therefore, women who feel the need to look (such as wanting to know if they are spotting during pregnancy) should consider using colored toilet paper, which will minimize the implications of finding stains.
2. Does a small spot on a sanitary napkin make me niddah?
The status of stains on sanitary napkins is a matter of debate. On the one hand, many are made of absorbent cotton, which is not susceptible to ritual impurity, covered by paper or synthetic material. Others are made completely from synthetic material, which is not susceptible to ritual impurity. Therefore, it would seem that stains on sanitary napkins, in the absence of a halachically relevant sensation, would not make a woman niddah. There are, however, those who feel that since the napkins are made as a “garment,” they can acquire ritual impurity and thus a stain on them does render a woman niddah. A woman should check with her rabbi as to his opinion, and act accordingly. If the rabbi indicates that a woman has to consider a stain on a napkin as a problem, but she feels more comfortable wearing something to absorb natural secretions, black panty liners may be a good solution.5Black panty liners are available in large Jewish communities and can be purchased online at www.mikvah.org. As of this writing, there are several brands of black disposable panty liners available, as well as reusable colored cloth panty liners.
A woman should also ask the rabbi whether she is permitted to wear a napkin or panty liner during the seven clean days. In general, if stains on them are not considered to render her niddah, then she should not wear them during the seven blood free days, unless otherwise instructed.
3. What about tampons?
Tampons are inserted directly into the vaginal canal. Therefore, blood found on a tampon is similar to that found after an internal exam with a cloth (bedikah) or after intercourse, which would make a woman niddah even in the absence of hargashah. Therefore, although they are made of synthetic material, even a small spot on a tampon renders a woman niddah. It is therefore best to wear tampons only at times when one is already a niddah.
4. How can I wear colored garments? Aren’t I just ignoring something that is there?
When the rabbis enacted the decree that gave women the status of niddah even without “sensation,” they included certain caveats. Thus, the same rabbis that enacted the stringency declared the leniency, and one need not hesitate to use it. The Rambam even states that the rabbis decreed that she should wear colored garments (when not in the seven blood-free days) to prevent her unnecessarily being prohibited due to stains.
5. I don’t know how to swim and am afraid of the water. How can I go to the mikveh?
One does not need to be able to swim, as one is standing in chest-to shoulder-high water and only needs to immerse the rest of the body for a few seconds. If a woman is still scared, arrangements can be made for someone to enter the mikveh with her to support her. Any such fears should be discussed with the mikveh attendant. Mikveh attendants are usually willing to make accommodations for all sorts of extenuating circumstances.
6. The wife spends so much time preparing for the mikveh. What is the husband’s role?
The halacha does not outline specific preparation for the husband for mikveh night. However, some women feel that if they have spent so much time in preparation, they would like their husband to also do “something.” The “something” can be worked out between the couple. The following are suggestions that often arise:
1. A wife coming back “super clean” after preparation and immersion, will generally be happy to find that her husband has showered and, if relevant, shaved.
2. Some women like to have their husbands drive them to the mikveh. If so, for reasons of modesty, care should be taken that the husband parks in a place where he will not be seen and identified nor see and identify other women using the mikveh.
3. When the couple has children, the husband can play a key role in helping arrange child care so she can go to the mikveh at a convenient time. If he gets them to sleep before she comes back home, his wife will most likely greatly appreciate this.
4. Any small gesture that conveys the message – “I missed you, welcome back.”
7. I have to go to the mikveh the night that we are invited to a wedding. What do I do?
First of all, one should see if one can use the mikveh before or after the wedding. In general, although mikvaot have posted hours, arrangements can be made in advance to go at different hours (sometimes an additional fee is charged for this service). If this is impossible, many excuses can be found to disappear for a short while from a crowd (I have to check on the children, I am going to visit a friend in the neighborhood who is sick). Untruths are permitted in these circumstances. Helpful hint: dry one’s hair or make sure the wet hair is hidden, before returning to the simchah.
8. I have to go to the mikveh on Friday night and we are spending the weekend at my in-laws’ house. What do I do?
Step one is to come up with a creative excuse (and smart mothers-in-law don’t question too carefully!). However, if this is impossible, it is not a reason to delay going to the mikveh. While, in general, one tries to keep the fact that one is going to the mikveh private, telling another person so as to enable one to go is permitted.
9. I am still confused about when to go to the mikveh. Can I have a few more examples?
(All calendars in this chapter should be read from right to left.)
Tevet
A woman awoke on Shabbat the 23rd of Tevet at 8:00 am (the day onah) and saw a large stain on her white underwear. She is a niddah from this point.6When unsure whether the bleeding started in the onah one saw it or the previous onah (such as waking from sleep) we go by the onah that she is sure she saw it – generally the later one. She continued to bleed each day marked with a #. On Wednesday the 27th of Tevet (day number five of bleeding) in the afternoon she did a hefsek taharah which was fine. She places a moch dachuk at sunset and leaves it in place until nightfall. Thursday the 28th of Tevet is the first day of the seven clean days, and Wednesday the 5th of Shvat is the seventh. Assuming all the exams were acceptable, she goes to the mikveh on Wednesday night.
Shvat
In the next example, she bled for three days in the month of Shvat, starting on a Monday night at 10 pm. Since the Hebrew day begins at sunset, this is already considered Tuesday and thus she has bled on the 25th, 26th and 27th of Shvat. Assuming she is Ashkenazi and has no extenuating circumstances, she cannot commence the seven clean days until the 30th of Shvat as five days need to have passed which will end on the 29th of Shvat. In general she will do the hefsek taharah in this circumstance on Shabbat the 29th of Shvat in the afternoon. If she will not be near water or there are other problems, she can do it as early as Thurday the 27th when the bleeding stopped. In either case, however, the first of the seven clean days will be Sunday the 30th of Shvat and the last will be Shabbat the sixth of Adar. Assuming all bedikot are acceptable, she goes to the mikveh Saturday night.
Adar
Nisan
She started bleeding on Sunday morning the 21st of Adar. She bled for six days and had a valid hefsek taharah on Friday afternoon the 26th of Adar. She placed a moch dachuk, which was fine, as was the bedikah of Shabbat the 27th. On Sunday, the 28th of Adar she had a large bright red stain on the her white underwear. In this case she has to begin the seven clean days again. Since five days have already passed from the onset of niddah, she does not have to wait an additional five days.7As she was halachically forbidden to have relations, we are not concerned about poletet shichvat zera (see Part One, Chapter 3, pp. 45–46). An attempt at a hefsek on Sunday still has blood on it. She did a hefsek taharah and moch on Monday the 29th of Adar in the afternoon which were OK. The exams were OK from Tuesday the 1st of Nisan through Monday the 7th of Nisan. She goes to the mikveh that Monday night.
10. I am still confused about days of anticipation. Can I have a few more examples?
Tevet
On each day marked with a # she bled, starting on the first of Tevet at 8:00 am (the day onah). This was the 27th day after the commencement of her menses the previous month. Her onot prishah for the following month are from sunrise to sunset on each of the following days:
1. The first of Shvat (the Hebrew date) (d)
2. The 27th of Tevet which is the 27th day (the interval) (i)
3. The first of Shvat as it is also the 30th day (onah beinonit) (b)
Notice that her three times of separation “collapse” into two.
Shvat
She in fact started bleeding on the Monday night after the 3rd of Shvat. This means the night onah of the 4th of Shvat as the Hebrew day starts the night before. The new interval is 33 days. Therefore the times of separation the following month are between sunset and sunrise on the following days:
1. The 4th of Adar (Hebrew date) (d)
2. The 6th of Adar (the interval – 33 days in this case)8Notice this was arrived at by counting the first day of bleeding both as the last day of the previous interval and the first day of the new interval. (i)
3. The 3rd of Adar, which is the 30th day (onah beinonit) (b).
Adar
She in fact started bleeding on the morning of the first of Adar. During all her days of anticipation she is a niddah anyway so they have no practical significance. Her days for Nisan are:
1. The first of Nisan (the Hebrew date)
2. The 28th of Adar (the interval – 28 days in this case)
3. The 1st of Nissan (the onah beinonit)
Notice that although she has twice started bleeding on the first of the Hebrew month, this does not begin a pattern as they were interrupted by seeing on a different date in between.
11. I actually started bleeding before any days of anticipation, now what?
According to most opinions, for a woman who does not have a veset kavua for an interval (in other words most women) once one has started to bleed at a different interval the previous one is no longer valid and she can forget about it. The new interval day of anticipation is between her last menstrual period and the day that she just started. Similarly the onah beinonit, the 30th day, is now calculated from this new episode of bleeding. If she is earlier than usual by a few days her onot prishah come out during the time that she is a niddah and thus have little practical consequence. Should she start bleeding much earlier than anticipated, and stop bleeding by the time of the same Hebrew date, she does have to observe the Hebrew date as a day of anticipation with its attendent prohibition of intercourse. Should this come out to be her mikveh night, she should consult with a rabbi as to what to do.
12. It is three months since I had a baby and I have not yet been able to complete seven clean days and go to the mikveh. Help!
First it is important to realize that post partum bleeding (lochia) does last for a number of weeks (the average is 4 with about 10% of women having more than 6). Second, it is not unusual for postpartum bleeding to stop and then restart again – see section on childbirth in Part Three (p. 128) for more information. This is a time when the vaginal lining is more likely to be easily irritated due to the relatively low levels of estrogen at this time. One should definitely consult with a rabbi in this situation to see if the moch can be omitted temporarily and if the number of bedikot can be reduced. Once one has gone to the mikveh, this is a time of life when colored undergarments are highly recommended. When one is asking a rabbi questions about any stains that one sees, one should be sure to mention the amount of time that has gone by. If these halachic suggestions do not solve the problem, a physician should be consulted to see if temporary hormonal manipulation might help. If the problem is heavy bleeding rather than light spotting, then a physician should be consulted sooner to assure that there is nothing abnormal.
13. I am in my forties and having midcycle staining regularly, a day or so after mikveh. Is there anything I can do?
For women in their mid-forties who are in the time of life prior to menopause known as peri-menopause, this is a common situation. In order to deal with this issue, it is important to understand the halachic difference between "seeing blood," or bleeding, and finding a stain (ketem). What differentiates the two conditions is whether you had hargashah. If you did not have hargashah, the staining is considered a ketem and makes you niddah only if it meets certain conditions. It is NOT a problem if it is smaller than a certain size (a gris, approximately equivalent to the size of a US penny or Israeli shekel, see figure on page 33 above), is found on a colored surface, or is found on a surface that cannot obtain the status of ritual impurity. It should be noted that these leniencies DO NOT apply to stains found on an internal exam such as that done with a bedikah cloth. They also may not apply to stains found on toilet paper if you wiped deeply in the vaginal area or if you wiped in the vaginal area immediately after urinating.
In the question you posed, if you do not have hargashah and are referring to a ketem, and you are talking about a relatively small amount of bleeding, the situation can often be handled halachically. One such halachic solution is wearing colored underwear. While there is an opinion that clothing close to the body has to be evaluated more stringently, many authorities feel that stains on colored underwear would not make one niddah. Another potential halachic solution is pantyliners. Some authorities feel that these are a surface that cannot obtain the status of ritual impurity. As there is disagreement about this, you should ask a question of your rabbi prior to embarking on this method. The colored pantyliners that now exist have the advantage of combining two possible solutions. In addition, there is no halachic requirement to look at toilet paper, and you should avoid doing so.
If your staining is actually bleeding, then hormonal manipulation can often be used to help. In that case, please consult with a gynecologist. It is important that the physician understand that this bleeding is causing difficulties for you, as from a purely medical point of view it is generally not regarded as a problem and you may be told that it is simply a fact of life. If your physician would like further information about the laws of niddah or ways in which you can be helped, you may wish to refer him or her to www.JewishWomensHealth.org.
Note to the reader: Thousands of additional questions and answers can be found at Nishmat’s Women’s Health and Halacha website (www.yoatzot.org).